perhaps this has lost its spark

perhaps i no longer feel the words hanging on the edge of my tongue
waiting for my mouth to open and for them to drip off
onto paper
the way they always used to
used
to

or perhaps the doors to my mouth (heart) have been slammed shut by expectations
from my family (no)
my friends (no)
society (no it's not)

from myself

exams and grades and my overwhelming urge to try hard and work hard and do well and i'm just so scared of failing—

it builds upon my shoulders
i feel like atlas carrying the weight of the earth except
there's nothing beautiful in the weight i'm carrying
there's nothing living

perhaps i'm thinking too much
this might just be paranoia (no)
this might just be writer's block (no)
this might just be me being me (it's not)

perhaps i've just lost a bit of inspiration

*perhaps i've just lost a bit of myself

I slept well,
Maybe someone made me sleep,
I could say only thing,
I rejected it without wanting.

I imprinted all of my memories,
All of my disturbed feelings
With the meteors fell down in my dream.

I saw Devil's hell,
Not with its hot but with its cold,
I found out with cold,
I lost my everything.

Surfacing Tides-Storms Come
Father!
It's so dark !
I'm whispering
Where fore art thou Oh my Lord!
My soul only seeking this Why.. Oh God how, Lord why!
My God from where did evil get in among us.
Please help!
I am smiling I look normal I am holding conversations, engaging
at times small giggling.
She seems alright. Am I ok!
The Tides roll ashore upon the beaches sand.
I feel sane ok.
That Pulling me away from the shore line this tides withdrawing,
I'm drowning at bay.
I dont feel safe, I'm Lost, sad, angry, questions, tears sobs drowning.
Lost at sea.
Lord reach for me.
The tides pushing me back to the shore line.
Things seem a little fine. a touch of peace of mind.
Socializing, guessing playing investigator.
People chatting family saying comforting things.
I seem to be breathing.
At times hearing things seeing things feeling the weakness,,
The helplessness.
Watching the tides subsides.
sanity, reasons logics, I don't know the whys or the hows.
Killings are happening on local tv scenes.
Tides are low,,
Then they are high.
We wonder where and when will each soul rest.
lookin up to a storm in the sky.
each one has a reason why.
The storms come.
By
s.a.m selinasharday