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J Jun 2016
Tired.
Exhaustion,
the kind of fatigue you don't counteract
with behind-the-counter medications
because it lives behind your eyes but
not quite inside your brain,
the kind that makes you feel insane
just for acknowledging it's there.
It's quiet in the day but wrattles constantly,
reminding you, you're the only one to hear it.
Tired.
The kind that misses sleeping in,
but 13 hours of sleep is never enough
to fill in gaps or bags under eyes,
so you just lie in bed and think about
how tired you've become,
and how you've forgotten
how it feels to be refreshed.
Tired.
The kind of tired that inhibits you from moving
your mind races and your body is glued to the bed,
it's 3am now and you've finally stopped pacing in your head.
Tired.
your eyes stop moving around 6am
when you crawl into bed,
you are so drained,
nothing could keep you up now
you block out cars horns,
you ignore thoughts that knock on your door,
and rustle in your blinds,
and drown your fatigued mind,
begging for a place inside your bed,
you are so tired.
you are on sheets,
you haven't washed in weeks,
stuck without a destination
for your mind.
stuck, the sun just rose,
so you are
**** out of luck.
.
J Jun 2016
My sour mouth
was sweet before
you swept me off my feet
last year
J Jun 2016
What no one tells you about loving a writer,Is that they're nuts, man.They're slobs, they're hoarders, Have you seen my room? I barely have, to tell the truth.
Crumbled paper lines the floor, Ideas withering from the night before,
What no one tells you about dating a writer, Is that they're so moody.
We’ll try to play it off like some sort of
Artistic facade. Mysterious. Yep, that’s us!
But in reality, we’re probably just ******* wiped. We spent 3 days and 3 nights writing songs and painting pictures that you won’t ever see. And what no one tells you about dating a writer, Is that it is hard.
What no one tells you about loving a writer, is that they’re going to love you back. Hard. They might notice parts of you that you never have, they might focus in on each part and it might make you mad, But I promise they love every scar as much as they love every laugh. They might notice every freckle and how the ones on the small of your back, right there where you start to laugh when you get brushed by another, even lightly, make the little dipper, and how it might be cliche but it’s their favorite constellation. And they will try to connect the dots to make sense of your body, to create a solid thought.
Even if it does not come together like the stars in the sky, they will try and try and what no one tells you about loving a writer
Is that its hard. Remember what I said about us hoarding? We hold on to everything, letting go isn't something we do easily and we'll take in everything you say and do whatever we can to make you want to stay, we're messy, we're clumsy
we're odd but we will give you everything we've got. There’s a reason they have a desk full of half written poems, a reason they might feel so hard, they have a broken heart. Hearts that are whole don’t make art, We hate to admit it but it’s true so what no one tells you about loving a writer, is that you’re loving pieces. You’re loving Monday morning, Chaotic, panicked, angry, hungry. You’re loving Tuesday night, Tired, weary, shaky, sorry. You’re loving a Saturday afternoon when the week catches up and the bags under their eyes become a muse for a new piece they might spend weeks composing only to throw into the trash and what no one tells you about loving someone like that Is that it’s normal to throw away something that took so long to construct. But they won’t tell you that they’re used to that. What did you think made them write in the first place? They are used to that. Their whole lives have been building bridges with flammable wood Over barren lands. What no one tells you about loving a writer, Is that you’re loving two eyes, two hands, Two legs, two ears, and two lips but too many souls to try and control. Don’t try and control them, they’ll turn their back on you, they are conditioned to take their sorrows and turn then into words that can't be taken back, ones that make their spine stop chilling, Perhaps pass it on to another, what no one tells you about dating a writer, is that you will be that “another," you will have to absorb some of the energy, The forces that make these people soak up Every piece of sorrow in the world And make their heads heavy, And make their hearts scary, their hands shaky. What no one tells you about dating a writer, Is to be careful. They are broken and they cannot heal. Because they might stop creating, And their hearts might stop beating, Because their words bleed out of their skin, Their hands shape the world they’ve come to Live in, to love in, And their lungs are filled with every word you’ve ever said, And when you left, They took those words And wrote them down, And what no one tells you about dating a writer, Is that if youre not going to love the writer, At least give them something worth writing about. They will.
J Jun 2016
the thought of you made me warm for three years straight
the image of you made me glow for days I still see late at night
your kiss still leaves a mark on my heart
your lips I still feel in my spine
the thought of you used to make me comfy
but now keeps me up at night
J Jun 2016
Cut my hair off
dead ends on the floor
peel my skin off
begging you for more
make me feel new and clean again
though I will bleed, that soon will end

Shave my body hair
make me as fresh as the day we first met
bleach my stained skin fair
beg you to finish what you haven't yet
make me feel new and clean again
the process might burn, that soon will end
J Jun 2016
We ate off paper plates.
God, we were a mess,
we nourished ourselves with
disposable trays,
to leave less of a mess.

We slept on paper beds,
just incase we fought again,
what a waste it would have been,
to have bought a brand new set,
only to end up sleeping in separate rooms,
on the floor again.

We conquered paper mountains,
they didn't bend, they didn't break,
they ripped beneath our heavy feet,
and we let them because we were too defeated.

Together we made a world of paper,
that's why I'm gone from yours now,
you held me for three years,
but three years of paper burns in 10 minutes if you let it.

And that's why you're still in mine,
I never took you out,
I never had the heart to take the time
to set you on fire,
and now you're stuck here.

I eat off paper plates now,
hoping one day you'll get hungry again too,
and we can build a world again,
temporarly, disposable, as long as it's with you.
J Jun 2016
Peace is no option,
hate sowed in every row of land
from coast to coast,
they stole everything but the sea.
A country founded on thievery,
an empire, starving for conquests,
a people that are nourished by exploitation,
the blood of minorities waters roots placed deep,
The stark white flowers turn pink in their petals.

And we admire their beauty.

Hatred walks with a rifle,
so peace is no option.
He does not have a weapon,
that could do any harm,
without a heart full of hate behind it.
Driven by fear,
fueled by confusion,
a bullet flies blindly.

The man who creates is not a criminal,
but is he who follows a path shaped by fire,
burning the colors that lived there before.
The man who believes in soverignty of his country,
at the cost of another.
The man who believes love could cause harm,
armed with a poisonous thought.

The barrel is only a conduit;
so shoot the palette,
splatter the colors,
our sisters and brothers,
alike they lay in one silent painting;
the white canvas will always stay
as clean as they say.it should.

Peace is no option,
when war is a game,
painting with blood
since the very first day.
J Jun 2016
50 hearts bleeding on the floor,
blood that is thickened with hatred,
it seems as soon as we are born,
our cords are cut and replaced,
into our veins,
they instill hate,
slowing our hearbeat quickly,
as we grow up,
the bitterness trumps,
we lose what was born,
to a gun,
our hearts ache for those that were slain,
the community will not be the same without you.
J Jun 2016
art
I painted you a hall of pictures
bled you a museum full of art
and then you stole all the sutures
that I had sculpted for my heart.

My ribs are broken,
inside you pace,
cracking frames with each word spoken,
they put the ropes there for a reason,
to prevent the pieces from destruction

but they never made a rule to protect the viewers who were cracking
criminals who broke the bones barred on the door to come inside
without asking
J Jun 2016
By the time we met,
I had already kissed 3 boys,
And had my heart broken by one.

I had already given up on love.
I was 16.

When we started dating,
I had only known you for a month,
But you captivated me already.

For 144 weeks, I thought you were mine,
I figured it was for life.
You said it so many times and you’d never lie,
Right?

I had already forgiven you 36 times
By the time you started lying just to see what I’d believe.

The way you cradled me was uncompared to anything,
You convinced me everything else was too rough,
Too scary.

But I didn’t even feel like trying
I had already found true love, after all,
Even if it hurt me.

12 months in out of the 32 we spent together,
You had already broken me 76 times,
Those words still haunt my head,

My bed is empty,
You left me,
Already ready to forget me.

At 17 you said you had already found true love.


Well what the ****?
Wasn’t I done looking for pity already?
Weren’t those things on my arm healed already?
Wasn’t my story over already? You’d heard it already
I shoved my fingers down my throat just to purge up a “sorry”
I never stopped talking and
You’d already asked me to hurry.
Wasn’t I over it already?

But you loved me, I already knew that.

You masked insults with recurring phrases
Thought up already so you were ready to make me sorry about what you said

It was a joke! You already told me not to take it seriously.
Why was I so sensitive?
Wasn’t I over it, already?

I don’t remember when things got bad,
Or ever having the ability to recognize that
Because with you I’d swallowed enough pride to drown myself
From the inside out,
But you were always so forgiving.

I found myself lost,
Apologizing for feelings
You swore I made up but I could not create if I tried.
You said you loved me.

But your tides pulled me by the ankles.
I’d taken swimming lessons already,

But they don’t teach you how to swim when you fall in love with drowning.

So I tried,
To stay afloat in rough waters
I’d already drowned in, over and over again,
I’d tread for show so you could never see,
But I’m drowning again,
Already.


Already? You moved on,
In 19 days, for 3 years that are already gone.
Already, you filled the void we created ourselves,
With white noise because how the hell
Could you make the choice
To replace me for good already?
In the years you spent convincing me to stay afloat,
You made sure I knew I needed you to do so.

I can’t bring myself to throw out your old clothes,
The ones that have piled up 3 feet
In 19 days
Already.

I sat and counted the ways you made me want to die on my hands,
And I tried to justify that by balancing it with the times you made me feel alive,

But I stopped because 6 months in out of 32,
I’d already used all 10 fingers.

Tell me if you do the same for her.

Already, you are happy
And smiling again
You float above waters
I’m drowning in
But man, am I happy
You’re ready to begin again.
Already?
With someone else
As I struggle to heal myself,
Losing color as I stop myself from begging for your help

You’d throw me a line
If you got praise for it,
Or pull me in just to have me in your reach again.

I know I need to do it already,
Everyone on shore assures me
I deserve more.
But I’m still short of breath.

Look at you though,
Already free and happy.
Already?

You are shaping waves, ruthless,
Crashing tides to keep your name
The one I remember when I say in vain
I’d already found true love at 16
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