Anger, agony, and a
Crass chaos curtained by
Smiles
Belies a bruised being
An "I'm not really okay" stare
But I'm not really "all there" so who cares?
Echoes die at the end of the tunnel, no matter how loudly you scream "I love you"
The corpses in my mind of lovers who left reminds me that they just knew better
So why don't I?
This is my diary where I die every day
Distant, dark, brooding
Bitter over what I couldn't have
Like swallowing sand

sigh

this doesn't help any more

my heart will always hold you
though my arms cannot
your name is on my every breath
whispered to the dark as i fall asleep
& i pray your spirit haunts my dreams
for i miss you eternally
you are the words of my muse
darkness & light of my heart
window of your soul pierces me
azure tranquility
punctuated by storm-wrought walls
oh how i miss you so

Sometimes music is the only thing I allow to run free in the walls of my head
Letting those sharp words cut away the feelings I create
Letting everything fall to the floor
Seeking peace in pain
Lyrics that hurt
So I can feel again

The embers of my heart laid out in a line
Laid out like a pathway to the pines
Get lost in the woods and
Feel the darkness creep up to my throat
Let uncertain breath escape
See what lies in wait

I can’t do this anymore
There is no strength left
I can’t do this anymore
There’s no faith left

My skin’s so thin I could be a ghost
And fall right in with the dead
Blackened and blued and without a hope
What is there to l̶o̶v̶e̶  live for
I have no grave and must die
Let no one mourn for me

Art should be disturbing to the comfortable
A comfort to the disturbed
A shape of two being one
The creator casting one half
The eye of the beholder creates the other
Unified into a single shape with infinite dimensions
Shining like a diamond
The shape of as heart
Windowed soul
Unshuttered and unfettered
A pouring of everything
Filling of empty spaces
The gap between the ribcages
The pain behind the faces
Unmasked, raw, refined, precise, agonizing
Hopeful and despairing
That is what art should be
Art is nothing more than that
Create beauty

it lingers
hovers
encircles me
this simple fear
in the twilight of my reflection
your face
your voice
not the same as my memory
im afraid
i have forgotten you
not your memories
but you
hold my breath in my lungs
to replicate your hugs
it's not the same
am i the one who changed?
i don't remember you as you are
but as you were to me
the painting on the walls
the halls of my loneliness
the emptiness of my heart
still love you always
still love you always

I sit at the window and wonder
If your memories are like mine
Or have they been scorched by time
I wonder if you remember my voice
Or if I remember yours
God I miss you more and more
My throat wants to shout on the shore
Just to see if my voice could carry to you
Useless and fruitless as it may be
Just to say I'm sorry
~~~
the ghost i knew still haunts my view...