Faith and fear opposites which lead to each other.
Are they truly black and white or brothers from  another mother?
Since one can be afraid and led to faith or faithfully afraid of an eternity never ceasing to remain.
But no cause if you have faith why would you be afraid?
I ask myself this day by day
But somehow the idea of a life after life does not grant me peace
but rather a terror which never seems to cease
it crawls and creeps a path to my soul
and makes me wonder if my belief has a hole?
Is my declaration of trust just a grasping manifestation for something to believe
when in reality
with my fear of what’s to come I’m worse than an unbeliever
with no actual conviction or peace in a greater wisdom?
These thoughts and doubts swirl around till they threaten to consume me
but my face won’t show any signs of my inward agony
because if I the pastor’s daughter
a voluntold role model gave a glimpse
of my lack of faith will I cause others to falter?
These are the lies
the enemy compiles
to take over my heart
but NO I do not have to carry these burdens that is not my part!  
From a manger to cross and then an empty tomb
there’s one who chose to fight my battles and He always wins them too.
He won’t let my faith mold into fear
and he won’t let these thoughts draw me near. He’s shouldered these worries when I could not
and lifted my eyes when all seemed lost.
He picked me up even with all my burdens
and didn’t complain even when I hurt Him.
He didn’t give me a second chance no He gave me seventy seven.
While my patience with others wore thin
before we even got to ten
he said “wait haven’t I far surpassed eleven? Daughter, I forgave you, why will you not do the same?”
But even then He would not allow me to be overwhelmed by my shame.
Instead He lifted my sights and directed them towards the heavens
and said I’ll meet you there in paradise though you have so many transgressions
my eyes swam with tears as I asked Him a childish question
for I turned to Him and whispered one word which caused him to simply smile
for the word that escaped was simply “Why?” And His answer caused me to think for a while. He laid His hand on my head
and He didn’t shout but gently reminded me instead
“it’s not what you have done
but rather my mercy in sending my son.
For I love you as my daughter
and so gave everything for you so know I am your Heavenly Father
and I chose to make you new.”

Too much time
Not enough air
Stale paling walls and melted snow
Sometimes home is the one place to which you cannot go
The one thought of which you dare not revisit in there

Justice isn't yours to challenge
Observe the only change with ease
It's best to simply let it be
As when you're not involved
In the sinfulness of it all
Don't let your mind wander for even a second
Instead be free, smile and flee