To: the nineteen year old version of myself who's falling in love right now.

Love him.
Love him with all your heart, lungs, liver and kidneys too.
In fact, just love him with your entire existence.

Love him even though he will not love you back.

And it's okay because I need you to do that for me so I can grow.

Love,
Me

i just looked back on a poem i wrote october 2019 about how i thought a girl was "too pretty"

well ive come to realize i am a raging bisexual, so yeah! character development.

You were the only thing I wanted
You were my something grand
What I looked for my entire life
You stood there in the back of my mind
Watching every second
Protecting every second
But what can we do?
You were just that, a piece of my mind
No matter how much I wished you there
No matter how much I cried for you
Not matter how many worlds I built
Worlds where you are alive
There’s no way around it
There’s no way to have you here
There’s no way to trick myself
And I lay here, wanting, grieving
Sad, pathetic, trapped in a hole of darkness of my own making
Waiting and waiting and waiting
For you.

where to begin?
                                                     not this **** again
            the constant deliberation
                                                    ­                 your harsh beration

is that even a word?


I wouldn't know, you're not here to correct me


But I'll still prostrate myself before you
Never imply, never implore you
to swallow the pride I so eminently taste
on the tip on your tongue in the flames of your space

for I articulated immensely and pure,
I've no pride left -- I've already tried to say

                                   that I Miss You

In the olive branch of thought, or concern, or encouragement


The snicker on your lips at the edge of the cord
Has snapped in my face, in a favored exchange
You say I don't owe you
But maybe I do?
I couldn't tell you why

                                                       I'll still say I Miss You

Chuckle in my face
                                            say I'm looking too hard
when half passed a year, and I saw that you star-        -ted
to write in the place I hold dear to my heart
You played where you meant and you knew these parts

I would puzzle together would puzzle my head
to ensure that your seed had been planted and fed

And I hate the feeling you put in this trough
                             I'll lap at the puddle, still claim that is

All Love.

                        You forget that I know you
From that you can't hide
                         You forget that I know the shake in your voice
When you lie

                                                         Despite your uncanny ability still,
This hostility doesn't suit you
                                         Not that I think that I will
change that as of late.


I just wish you could swallow that burdened mind
The one with the Pride?
The one you never tried

                                                     to combat or control
because control is a need


I see that , I know that ,              so control what you please


But no more, not me
It's me.
It is me.

Can you not at all, remember it's me?

Not a burden
A binding
An obligation "back home"

No pressure
No lectures
Just a box of our notes.

The snipping aversion proceeding the kind
Doesn't look good on you,

I've reached and I've tried.

So I'll favor this favor, because my heart's cured --

Unbandaged,
         I'll tell you I Miss You
                                                          once more.





                                 this time try to
Be honest with me.

Nothing is wrong.
World aint gonna stop.
Whether you die or sob.

Get up.
Heads up to sky.
Try, fail and again try!