He holds the world
Under the quiver of His fingers.
And Its bones and joints tired,
The mind wrinkled and dented,
Eyes weary of light
That It cannot bear His sheen glow
Still It continued, pushed through
Seen all that has been forsaken
What lies is in ink and white
The blankness overwhelms come to life
And even He is drawn to abhor It
Drawn to deny
For what His pillars had created,
Had brought nothing greater than a magnificent
It was not beauty or grace.
But who are we to judge,
When we have not seen Its face?
I woke up with a headache
the morning greeted the pain like a friend
The hunger for relief was insatiable
However, instead of getting up for coffee and medicine
I stayed in bed and lingered under the sheets.
I don't know why
But as my thoughts began to reverberate
And echo, i forced myself to listen to the whispers
Materializing in the back of my head,
The silent sizzle of white noise
bled through every nook and cranny of my
Dilapidated bones and skull
And from it arose a call
A message I am well fond of:
It beckoned the future;
It crept in my bed like an old lover
And here it sang a lullaby that lulled me to sleep
Stroked my hair; it cradled my doubts
And bottle fed my insecurities,
It nurtured my over thinking mind
And in my dreams they blossomed
And manifested into nightmares.
There the weight on my shoulders
Got colder and more overbearing
Above me the clouds were made of concrete,
Falling ever so slowly.
I noticed the ball and chain
Around my ankles made me unable to move
However, as moments passed, i felt like i was
Or everything around me was.
My world became a whirlpool
Looking out from the center of a hurricane
I watched as things go whizzing past me.
My heart started racing towards something
It tried to grasp on a reality in front of me and when reality
Would come to brush the tips of my fingers, it would vanish.
And I am realized of my stagnant state
As the wind began to leave
Carrying with it my aspiration and hoping
I feared I can no longer move
And my chase would be futile;
I can no longer escape
I am forever trapped
Waiting for the clouds to crush me.
I was feeling the weight around my ankles
Daring myself to take the step.
Daring myself to live.
And when the urge finally came to grab hold of my senses
I woke up.
The future left without saying goodbye
But i know it would be back soon
Like a lover, unsatisfied
The sun had decided to take its leave
But my headache had not.
It sat still on my head ringing the distant tones
The lullabies sung,
The distant echoes of my now unforeseen future.
He dreamed of velvet
And rosy cheeks on his lap
He dreamed of a set of sapphire eyes
Staring at him
Polished china hands ‘round his nape
And cherry lips on his.
He dreamed of diamond rings
Of cherubim singing
While cherry blossoms rained
He dreamed of gold
Glinting from his eyes
The diamonds ‘round his neck
He dreamed of trees with money
Quench the desire
He dreamed of flashing lights
Burning his skin
The eyes gawking, staring
The thrill of attention
The thrill of being desired
Like peaches and grapes on vineyards
So he sang a song
Hoping that the stars would listen
So he sang a note
Hoping that angels would hear his pleas
So he sang to God
For a pedestal
He wore his best suit and looked
At the cosmos
His guitar cradled at the arms
And he spoke of His name
The voice was heard
But left unanswered.
She danced blindly with the lights
It caressed her innocence
Bloomed in a garden of weeds within the hedges
She was everything made to feel nothing
Reduced to ashes and yet still
Burned every night
Kindling for old bones
Tinder for shallow homes
And fragile flames
Made whole an empty temple
She became an echo
She was a ballerina
Pirouetting, into the darkness
Past the glittering lights
An actor of her own making
And the dance floor was her stage
She paints her face like an artist
But can never hide the bruises
She burned bright
The fires lapping at her feet
Kindling for old bones
A reckless queen
Tending tinder for shallow homes
And fragile flames.
I am scared that I might drown
In the fantasy I have inside my head
That I might lose myself in a
Cascade of colors
Lose my way
In the hall of mirrors
In a blur of wonder
All wishful thinking
Eating me alive.
All my dreams rotting in my brain
Struggling to know
What is right.
sometimes i just get lost in my head...
I try to make sense of the blurring
Patches of ink on the paper
The sharp curls of each letter
It was an imprint of the mind
Moving, reforming, changing
A sentient being taunting my once solemn thoughts
It was a cage.
Trapped and wrapped in a plethora of oddities
It was the color that surrounds it
The very core of what it truly is
It distorts me
The sun was dim and bright
A collision of all
The stars were eyes
Looking down on the meek
The birds swam the skies
And licked it clean with the clouds
The fishes raged at the seas
And from their turmoil
Brought forth raging waters
It was the splotches of creatures on land
There their eyes stuck to the ground
Untethered but cannot move
Unscathed but the fires in their
Bones singes of black goo
They fertilized the soil
And grew trees
Woven out of blood
And the euphoria of staying afloat
In reality one cannot fathom
What it truly meant
Or how it made one feel
It was a different kind of lost
A different kind of terrain
It was unexpected.
It was a compendium
Of the confusing.
The colors were everything.
And I was reduced to nothing.
It was not just mere ink.
It was not just words.
It was not just the paper.
It was the sheerness of its meaninglessness.
The desperation of reason and thought
That spindled and weaved its way into
drilled and drilled and drilled.
Until I am numb.
Just like Sylvia.
I don't know I how to explain thisss.