Sleep evades
A restless soul
Mind replays
What once felt whole
Heart thumping
Out my chest
Shaky hands
Doing my best
Visions blur
You never touched-
So how the ****
Do I miss you this much?

I have all this love
And nowhere to put it
It's rotting inside me
Soft,warm
Unspent.

I reach out in dreams
But wake up alone
His name buried in my throat
Like a secret
I was not allowed to say.

He didn't stay
But the love did
And now it grows wild
Inside a heart
With no one left
To give it to.

5-4-25

every turn a double take
every glance a mistake

the club has many faces
but yours is the one
I hope to see

I'm sitting in a cafe
Grinding myself to the bone
My marrow still carries
Your essence, your DNA
I sit back to watch the sunlight
Bounce off the tables
and remember what you smelled like.

The pangs of dissolution
unraveled in my nerves
and my brain tells me
to keep myself small
So that I can return to
The exclusive club I belonged to.

Time goes by slower

           When I'm Desperate
                        
                        To know what you're doing

he drifted away
while i stayed the same.
he sits behind me in class
and im still,
silently grieving our past
i turn around
searching in his eyes,
aching for his ghost
but his sand in the hourglass
slipped too fast
“it’s not like we’re strangers”,
he reluctantly said
shifting his eyes away
as my ruptured heart bled
my mind had too much
and reality was ahead—
i never knew that
“i will never get bored”
expired with a “yet”