If my life were a movie it would be one of those films that gets hyped up to no end because I’m one of those kids with the rough childhood who just wants to make it
When in reality it’s just a less action packed but just as dark dc movie
My story has also been confused with a marvel movie since the protagonist is me
And i can't help but cut my overbearing traumatic tragedies with self deprecating comedies

But my life to me feels more like an edgar wright movie where the action isn’t as exciting as The fact that I was able to get out of bed this morning
And my day to day reality will forever feel like a motion blur of edited out negative emotion
I think Maybe my life could be a wes anderson movie stuck in one color palette for the rest of my eternity
And my maturity tends to overwhelm me
my journey is like an anderson movie because i tend to create a world around me
Taking time to shape my own protected reality so that the outside world can’t hurt inside me

If im being honest though i want my life to be a spielberg movie that grabs attention of all ages coming from all sorts of places
I want to spin my truths into his fantastic fantasies where no one equates my past with me
But at the same time I want my life to be a blast from the past john hughes movie where i find a way to stop my past from haunting me
And everything ends up okay at the end of the day because my minds overbearing insecurities
No longer have control over me

Now i see that in actuality other peoples movies are just too much for who i truly want to be and how my trauma impacts me
I mean between my all of those boring biographies and my abundance of favorite movies
I’d want my life’s movie to be full of images depicting my fondest memories and all my angsty gen z tendencies
If my life were a movie i’d make it about how I am, or was, or am going to be
If my life were a movie I’d make it about me

there was a time in my life
when hope and heartache
overflowed from my eyes
the moment a man would touch me.
my skin, bruised and caressed
opened up like a flower
for the chance to be plucked,
paraded, pinch my cheeks
pierce my eyes, my heart
feels pain every time
i'm kissed, it is so hard
to keep trying to keep loving
to ask myself what is respect?
what is intimacy? why do you
need it so ******* badly?
why do you choose
to pawn yourself away to
thieves and criminals
and hide from princes?
the teeth marks on my neck,
it's almost as if my ******
is contingent on materializing
the constant crucifixions
of my heart, mary,
blow the boys away with those lips
mary, sing your soul out on
the ride home, mary,
be a good girl, be yourself, be
anything you want to be
(but not anything you need)

A slow burning fuse
Watch the spark move up the rope
I could interrupt any time I wish
Or maybe I'm just flattering myself in hopes
That I won't lose control
That in this I have a choice
So many thoughts and emotions
But I can't seem to find my voice

Some people write about  regrets
Some write about  mistakes
Some about  heartbreaks
Some sorrow

Others people write about discoveries
Others write about nature
Others about  striving
Others surviving

No people write about  the racket of silence
No one writes about  knowing their feet by heart
No one about  the night of black snow
No one the tip of the iceberg

You sit or you stand there, not moving
While I’m shaking with the effort to stay
You laugh when I try to tell you something
Already you know what I’m trying to say
It’s selfish, I’m being entirely unfair
But I want to cause an effect
I live for you, all I own I share
And I resent it sometimes when I reflect
I spiral over events I forget within hours
Throw words like tangible objects at you
Forget that you’ve brought me flowers
Forget how you smile at “Love you too”s
I move everything in your direction
Where you are is where I want to be
My thought process needs a bit of correction
I know even when you’re far, you still love me

light, joy, pure, smile, free
electricity

shock, clash, change, crash, blow
flames of evolution

dark, bitter, cynical, faint
the crashing waves of rain

Shall we take a walk,
my lady? I am but taken aback!
You are truely a maiden as they say!
With eyes suited for stargazing.

Walk me through your garden—
shall I be a foot shorter, as you see it?
Perhaps I shall believe in magic
alongside kids.

Fair and just, just as my father says.
Perhaps he should meander through
your world and command me
in a suitable direction at once...

at last.

The moon changes it's shape to please your eye.

I know you won't believe it.

Even if the moon is eclipsed or out of sight, it will change it's shape to suit you right.

Stand under it, right now.

Even if you can't see her she's there.

And when she appears looking broken and uncompleted, in your eyes it will change to a perfect sphere.

Just for you.

So pay attention to that, and appreciate her for all that she is.

Because for you she would change her entire shape, just to please you.

The moon always hangs in the sky.