when you're driving
do you ever wonder about the layers
between you and that tree?

I’ve never broken down like that before

My feet went numb
My head was made of stone
My eyes were waves
My voice was crackling like rocks
My hair was draping
The floor was my bed
Your words were my antagonist

I couldn’t breath

I couldn’t believe

I was breaking

While you offer me those
sweet words and lovely poems
I am writing the same for him

And while you whisper
“I miss you” to me
I silently say the same to him

Sorry but it’s true, I ain’t over him
So tighten your grip, don’t slip
I don’t want you to get broken just like me

And as much as I hate saying this
It’s not you, it’s me
It’s always me, always me

And I can't accept anything you will give
Because I can't give what I do not have
-my heart, because sadly, he still owns it

body...
it hurts
and I can't do it anymore.

But its okay... just sometimes,
No. I can't.

"Can't what!!?"_ you shriek

Everything:
Its painful to get dressed,
coming out from the curled, soft, blankets
it hurts
my head, eyes, and  body
I can't explain why or how.
I can't explain my self
not anymore.

I can't be fake
anymore
talking **** all the time.
I can't hide these feelings.

I'm scared.
not knowing where I am
blinded of where I'm going,
doing my best to cover all this chaotic mess
with a smile,
the smile everyone exclaims they love so dearly.
A smile just to get me out the door and through the day.
And Why
And  How
!!!
How do these **** Lovely Beings see all this good,
all this beauty, hope and fragile kindness..
all this peace and passion.
How..!
can they see all this, behind that smile..
Telling me these sweet gentle words,
words I truly try to believe in!
words I forget to believe in
words that I find so hard to see,
all these wonders
people talk of.
I get so lost in myself,
trying to find these wonderful sweet words
of calm seas, and humble peace
those words,
people exclaim to me.

But its Hard
and most days..
I just can't.

So I'm sorry if I get down and all shades of blue,
of lost
and scared.

But these horrible words:
'I can't'
Have Haunted me since forever.
those terrible two
words..
spinning around in my miserable, lost, mind.

Causing my body to hurt so
with all these sleepless nights.

But its Okay!
No worries

its Just...
at times it hurts so
that I look in the mirror and see
lost, tired, scared, sad, eyes
staring so freighted back at me.

Asking why, I could possibly hurt so..

But for now.
Sorry, my lovelies
that I hurt so

Maybe someday,
I will truly believe in calm seas and shining peace
with radiant skin
shinning with blinding passion.