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  Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
George Anthony
is this what heartbreak feels like?
i can't remember
if i've ever felt it before

my chest feels like
something knotted
too tight, too much,
unable to be undone

it's under my ribs,
sitting soundly beneath the sternum;
it's in my throat,
like a lump i can't throw up

it's the pincers squeezing
at the back of my eyes
trying their best, though still failing,
to make me cry

it's supposed to be a good thing
that we moved on,
that you rid me from your system

i thought i rid you too
but the confirmation of your fresh start
has made me feel
like i'm getting nowhere fast,
nowhere soon

i've no right to be so undone,
lost the right to hurt for us
a long time ago, but

i guess heartbreak doesn't give a ****
about time or circumstance
it shatters you when it pleases,
and you don't know
if you can fix together the pieces
  Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
the only thing i'm following to tomorrow is the involuntary beat of my heart
Belen Rubio Jan 2018
Does not give you the luxury to prepare you for a bad day,
you always have to be ready,
prepared to fall down...
at any moment.

It has no reasoning,
making no sense.
It is not patient,
or loving or caring,

It is in fact, just the opposite.

I could go on and on for another 500 words
to try and explain,
with all the different possible adjectives to describe
the feelings that come
with these terrible two nightmares.

But that is exactly all they are..
They are like,
Grey Nightmares.

They are the days where you feel a heaviness,
in your head, like a 5lb. weight.
They are the days were you can physically feel
the dark, heavy, cloud above your head,
and the rain sitting on the edge of your lower eye lid,
making your eyes all heavy and sad.

It is exactly that,
cloudy, sad, never ending might mares.

Anxiety and Depression

can't begin to explain to your love ones,
how sorry you are,
for feeling the way you do,
for ruining a night that was supposed to be great.
for the feelings of unexpected sadness,
and worry.

But it is just that.
It is
and heavy,
cloudy and grey..

And so many words
can only try to explain,
such unexpected pain
and worry.

To the ones I love,
I love you,
I'm sorry.
  Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
Dazed Dreaming
I miss sleep.
I miss the peace that comes with it.
Erasing the day.
Running rapid in the world of my subconscious.
Those days seem so far away.

I find myself running on empty.
On pure fumes.
My thoughts are endless.
Bringing me to the cliffs of mania.
All my wants, needs, goals and things I want to accomplish keep me up until the sun peeks through my window pane.

I'm swimming in my own pool of exhaustion because my success hangs at my finger tips.

I find myself unable to shut it off.
The desire.
The passion, and determination that fuels me to wake up everyday.
I am simply put, tired of running inside my head 24/7.

I want to slow down.
But my need to succeed wins again.
Overpowering my need to slow things down.

I wish you knew what it felt like to walk into a room, notice every color of every detail on every wall.
To hear every sound, even the unnoticeable fly that circles round.
The endless chatter of passing people.
The entrance doors that squeak when you walk through the door.
Knowing every exit to every room.
It drives me crazy to notice so much.
If only for just a moment I knew how to quiet the mind and drown out the sound.
The sound of life all around me..
And how crazy this all sounds.
Me vale, si me vale
si piensas que soy asi
¿te digo por que?
por que no es cierto
¿me lo has preguntado?

Me vale, si me vale
¿sabes por que?
por que soy conciente
de mis acciones
y te las puedo explicar.

Me vale, si me vale
por que escucho
y puedo decidir
entre pastel o carbon.

Me vale, si me vale
no es que no sea sensible
es solo que me resvalan
las afirmaciones sin carne, ni hueso.

Me vale, si me vale
es que prefiero aventurarme,
soy ateo cuando te escucho,
no a dios, sino a tus cuentos.
  Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
Dazed Dreaming
As I drive home winter still falling and still heavy all around me.
I'm calm, collected, and happy.

I know there will be silence after I've greeted my whining dog so happy I made it home.

I'll watch a movie same as always.
Not boring at all.
I'll prepare a meal and eat happily alone.

A hot bath will come next.
Lined with candles and bubbles that last.
The smell of lavender will fill my nose and my eyes will soon close.
I'll indulge in the hot steaming water letting all my worries fade away.

Because after a long day whose to say being alone wasen't just what you needed.
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