#humour poems on Hello Poetry

KN Nov 2024

Ms Anderson, Ms Anderson,
Wherefore art thou my teacher?
Grant my pen a poet's gift
Let me scribble my pencil thin,
Writing, kindling your blossom smile.
You, beautiful as you flip my file
Which has me commit to your homework, while
Sitting at home with a radiant smile.

Ms Anderson, Ms Anderson,
Wherefore art thou my teacher?
'tis true, nobody's perfect -- nobody but you.
Naughty I was and punish you did that's true.
"Write, 'I will listen in class.'" you said demure,
"on each line of those two pages; and stop being immature."
I'd Sit and contemplate, drool and scribble,
"Lovely miss Anderson. My miss Anderson"

Ms Anderson, Ms Anderson,
Wherefore art thou my elder?
Were you younger, by a decade or two,
I grant I'd hop and merrily skip,
With you on the park and buy you a sweet.
I'd look in your eyes, and call you Anderson.
My dear Anderson.

#infatuation #love #adolescents #humour #teacher #appreciation #bittersweetmemories #playfulpoems

Gerry Sykes Nov 2024

Called to walk on water

I was called to walk on the water,
but I ****** in the lake instead,
polluted the whole of creation,
until all its creatures were dead.

I was called to heal all the people
with hands that are gentle and kind
but I couldn’t turn round a profit
so I shat on the lame and the blind.

I was called to bring peace to creation
but found it better to sell,
weapons of mass destruction,
and condemn all the nations to hell.

And if I complain that the world,
is *******, unfair and unkind,
it’s because I ****** in the water
and left all my refuse behind.

I has the first 2 lines in my mind but they needed more so the rest is just to support them. I hope it makes you laugh and think

#christianity #ethics #humour #pollution #rhyme #politics

neth jones Oct 2024

1000 110

fish bone for a wishbone
no turkey has to die
thanksgiving

alt. version

no turkey need die
cheap wish on a herringbone sky
thanksgiving

#thanksgiving #short #brevity #micro #humour #silly

Klausyuer Oct 2024

Kitchen Odyssey: Carbonara

"
Forged by Mom's tender hands,
In the fiery lair of the kitchen where I was once a squire.
We swayed our aprons like a hero’s cape,
Bravely marched through the crucible’s draconic breath.

We unsheathed our wooden spatulas,
Raised our mighty metallic forks,
And lined our legion of spices, ready to make the dish.

Like witches,
We simmered the water with salt from the Baltic Sea,
And oil procured from the labyrinth of shelves.

As we waited for it to rattle with bubbles,
Our sweat poured like the pasta we threw,
While we smacked our iron pan into the horns of the oven.
It screeched an ear-piercing clang,
And we retaliated with our hearts beating a battle cry as we started for war.

My general ordered me to lay a grease trap.
Minutes passed; it sizzled,
The pan fired back boiling oil,
But we stood like walls—unyielding, fierce.
Brave onions leapt into the fray,
Sacrificing themselves, leaving us to grieve in tears
As the battle raged on.

The onion’s bittersweet, crispy breath inspired the garlic to follow,
Crackling in courage as it joined the heat.
Soon, bacon met the fire—
Crisping, releasing the smoky guardian from the labyrinth’s depth,
While mushrooms from the Elven forest charged in the clash.

The holy grail of Filipino-style Carbonara sauce rained on the battlefield,
Uniting the fallen, boiling *** and all,
Turning the *** into a smooth, white, creamy ocean with a steaming, smoky, crisp aroma.

We scooped our pasta water and drained the rest,
Baptized the *** with silky, snake-like pasta,
Adorned it with grainy black pepper,
And sprinkled it with golden cheese,
A finishing touch for our dish.

We cheered in victory as we prepared the feast,
Our kingdom rejoiced in tears at each slurp and each lick of our savoury dish.
As laughter echoed and stories flowed,
Mom crowned me the Carbonara knight,
A token of triumph for a job well done.
"
-Klausyuer: The ****** Poet

Enjoy the meal :3

#family #cooking #food #humour

Odd Odyssey Poet Sep 2024

Can't dance to save my life

To all the boys, we're going out for a night,
Toss a coin to say we're just chasing tail tonight
But we always have to keep a heads up, for when
You probably get denied by a dime, twice this night

As we’re drinking like it's the end of a movie scene-
Waiting for our eyes to fall to black, we could barely see

Unfortunately, I caught my teeth in the skin of heat,
And I tell you- it wasn't that wise to try and dance;
Hoping to give all my intentions to her eyes chance-
But by a glance, I seen all her friends having a good
Laugh behind my back, all because of my two left feet

#club #dancing #shy #humour #sad

Odd Odyssey Poet Sep 2024

I still love her so

I was sitting by the mailbox waiting on love, stiff as
a recently washed shirt- sitting on an ironing board
I’m sorry if you catch me in a sour mood, there’s this moody
spirit that let me fall in love with the echoes hitting the wall-
While my voice was shouting at the wind; I could hardly breathe
My lover played a tune with my beard, as if they were guitar strings-
But I couldn’t complain to this lioness, for she’s the roar of a
mistress’s hungry temper

But I still love her so, still from the days of our courtship- and every
night she opens up to me as a suitcase, and I bare the luggage of her
nightly sores, with these bags hanging under my eyes-
I still love her so, as her chatter mouth is like a tap running,
and I’m her sink catching all that gossiping spit-

I still love her so, even as she’s an office desk covered in endless
papers, when she starts to feel like a piece of work-
I still love her so, cos she firstly showed me all of her flaws,
so nothing she does surprises me at all; still she was pleasantly
surprised that I still chose her, to be my wife

#love #flaws #passion #humour #beauty

Geof Spavins Sep 2024

Loughborough Rocket

In the town of Loughborough, where sheep
Outnumber people, and the rain falls soft,
There lived a man named Bob, who had a dream
To build a rocket ship from old tin cans

He scoured the town for parts, a toaster here,
A broken vacuum there, and soon enough,
His yard became a scrapyard, much to the
Dismay of Mrs. Crumble next door.

“Bob, what on earth are you up to?” she’d shout,
As he welded bits of metal in the night.
“I’m off to Mars, dear Crumble, can’t you see?
I’ve got a date with destiny and stars!”

The townsfolk gathered 'round to watch the show,
As Bob unveiled his masterpiece of junk.
With duct tape, glue, and hope, he climbed inside,
And pressed a button labelled “Up We Go!”

The rocket sputtered, coughed, and then it soared,
A tin can comet streaking through the sky.
The sheep looked up, bemused, and chewed their cud,
While Mrs. Crumble fainted on the spot.

Bob’s rocket flew past clouds and birds and planes,
And soon enough, he found himself in space.
He marvelled at the stars, the moon, the Earth,
And thought, “Well, this is quite a lovely view.”

But then he heard a clank, a groan, a snap,
And realized his ship was failing fast.
He grabbed a wrench, a hammer, and some tape,
And tried to fix the mess he’d made of things.

Alas, poor Bob, his rocket was no match
For gravity’s relentless, mighty pull.
He crash-landed in a farmer’s field of corn,
And crawled out, dazed, but grinning ear to ear.

The farmer scratched his head and asked,
“What now?” Bob laughed and said, “I think I’ll try again.
But first, a cup of tea, a nap, and then,
I’ll build a better rocket, just you wait!”

And so, in Loughborough, the legend grew,
Of Bob, the man who aimed to reach the stars,
With nothing but his wits, some junk, and dreams,
And made the town a little brighter too.

The town name is pronounced Lufbra - it is my home town. I wrote this for the amusement of my grandchildren

#humour #nonsense

Geof Spavins Sep 2024

The Drive

Once upon a time, on a road so long,
I set out a journey, singing my song.
With snacks in the seat and a map in my hand,
I felt like a king, ruler of this land.

The GPS lady, with her calm, soothing voice,
Said, “Turn left ahead,” as if I had a choice.
But I missed the turn, and she sighed with a tone,
“Recalculating route,” in a voice like a drone.

The miles stretched on, the road never ends
With no end in sight, just around the next bend.
I passed by cows, and fields of green,
And wondered if I’d ever be seen.

The fuel gauge dipped, the light turned red,
I needed a station, or I’d be dead.
I found a place, with a quirky name,
“Last Chance refuel,” it was part of the game.

The restroom key was a sight to behold,
Attached to a hubcap, rusty and old.
I did my business, and I grabbed a snack,
I hit the road, never looking back.

The radio played the same old song,
About a truck and a dog, it went on too long.
I switched to a station with talk and news,
But the host’s voice gave me the Exocet blues.

The sun beat down, the AC broke,
I rolled down the window, and started to choke.
On dust and bugs, and the smell of hay,
I longed for a shower, at the end of the day.

A detour sign appeared out of the blue,
“Road closed ahead,” what was I to do?
I followed the signs, through towns so small,
With names like “Puddle” and “Waterfall.”

I stopped for lunch at a pub so quaint,
With pies so sweet, they would make you faint.
The waitress smiled, with a knowing glance,
“Long journey, huh? Just take a chance.”

I ordered a burger, with fries on the side,
And a milkshake thick, for completing the ride.
Back on the road, with a full belly,
I felt like a hero, in my own telly.

The hours passed, the sun sank so low,
The stars came out, with a gentle glow.
I sang to myself, to stay awake,
And dreamed of the bed, I’d soon partake.

Finally, I saw the sign, “Welcome to Town,”
I cheered aloud, no longer a clown.
I parked the car, with a sigh of relief,
And thanked my God, for the journey so brief.

So if you ever find yourself on a drive,
Remember this tale, and you will survive.
With snacks and tunes, and a sense of fun,
A long journey’s end, is a victory won.

a drive in the summer inspired this one

#humour #driving #didthishappen