‘Excuse me…’
‘Shhh …’
(Whispering)
‘Excuse me…’

Steely-grey eyes behind
Horn-rimmed glasses glare at me
And a blank piece of paper
Is passed across with an irritated nod
Toward the pen *** on the counter.

I reach to the ***,
Select a nondescript ballpoint pen,
And write.

Passing the paper back, I wait …

Steely-grey eyes behind
Horn-rimmed glasses scans the page.
An audible ‘tut’ escapes her lips
And a finger beckons me to follow…

We walk past aisles of fiction and fact
Coming to a halt at section 020.

Steely-grey eyes behind
Horn-rimmed glasses waves imperiously
At the shelves in front of me,
Turns, and walks away.

Scanning the books
I find the title I requested:
‘Library Etiquette’.

I smirked as I pulled the book from the shelf,
Returning to the desk
And steely-grey eyes behind
Horn-rimmed glasses.

I've been scared of getting fat
Walking the streets alone at night
That dark space behind an opened door
And people whispering when I turn my back
To write on the board

I've been scared of creating a scene and others seeing me hurt
Going to the market with a low battery
Of being seen as too desperate
Not catching up and others getting ahead
And my rabbit sneaking in my room to *** on my bed

I've been scared of my Mom seeing me fail
Of being groped on the streets or the bus
Terrified of affection and the idea of being touched
Someone's opening the bathroom door when I got soap in my eyes
Having something pretty that makes me laugh then cry

Let's say I'm scared all the time
Can't help it
The world is pretty terrifying
I mean, it has crying babies who pull your hair
And cute bunnies who *** on your bed
Yeah, terrifying **** like that

But there's One thing that doesn't scare me
In life's unpredictability and harsh realities
A notion that makes me want to giggle
There's just One thing that settles my trouble heart and gives me bliss
The thought that just for a second you might believe...................................
             Such a thing exists

repurposed
   some are led              
      whilst others follow
   one in   one out        
      regurgitate   swallow

i enter the river
later the woods
tour natures suicide spots
snub them for a man made bridge
snub the bridge
    because i find life pretty today
    too pretty to bend deaths ear
                             and suspend

"There's a time and a place" the gravedigger said,
"For humour, and this isn't it."
But the thought process currently stuck in my head
Is: "Maybe it is. Just a bit."

The businessmen said, in no uncertain tones,
That my silliness simply won't do,
And quickly went back to their laptops and phones,
But I still think the opposite's true.

There's no harm at all in increasing the stock
Of the cheerfulness in this cruel world,
And, often, my humour has been like a rock
While the pain inside me has unfurled.

I cannot explain why, when I start to cry,
That, sometimes, I laugh while I do.
In the depths of despair, where men want to die:
I can see the ridiculousness too.

So if I should be sad, and you see me laugh,
Just know I'm still dying inside,
And that I simply have to follow this path,
Or tears will flow out in a tide.