I die a death no one could resurrect me from
No dust could rot my body to dust
No grave stone could ever give me no honor
Nor flowers could perfume nor grass could embellish.

I die a death of all the dying and the decaying
Of all the woes of the living;
And when they excavate my bones of words
From my sepulcher of our forgotten histories
They'll only find two things:
Your words I etched on the underside of my nails,
   and your name chafed deep on the inside of my lips--
I will wail--
The soil of the Earth will first hear it,
Then the echoes would spiral up the roots of every tree
And they too will die of my misery,
That I have been dead yet dying still
Since the day you abandoned me lonely.

My own burial I visit
Days that come after that
Over and over and over and over ---
   and over and over and over

Dead and forever dying,
My heart and its yearning
   for our love--
Dead,
   and forever dying.

Sense I was little I have been close to my sister
though lately I actually hate her
and it's not a teen age moody hate
it's a rage
I feel like hitting something every time I hear her name.

I use to look up to her
she use to be my world,
now she a stranger,
That I'll never talk to again

The worst part is it feel like she died
but I see her around
she post on facebook
I see her in town
I want to go up to her and yell and scream
but instead I lock my self in my room and try to breath

Cause sense what happened happened
I have worse anxitey
I feel like I can't breath
I hate her with a passion
and yes its a strong word
but that how I feel right now

She left me alone
like i was nothing to her
she use to be my hero
the one I went to for everything
now she someone I despise
I don't like seeing her so I just hid.

I feel like I miss her
like she is dead
and a part of her is
and that's what I dread

Its like the loss of the love one, without any closer
and that what ***** the most
the feeling that I can't move on
cause I lost something dear to me
and I want to be dreaming
I want her back more then anything
but I know I'll never forgive her for what she's done...

And I don't know why I'm writing this
Maybe I'm just fighting this feel of hopelessness
Maybe I'm hoping someone will answer this and tell me why thing's have to be like this
they don't have to be like this
but she can't fix this
I'm broken and she did this
and I'm ready to end this.

My sister use to be my best friend....
and now she's my worst enemy.

She sits alone contemplating her place within this universe
She thought about her live in reverse
Trying to figure out how she had got to this place
Sitting on the bridge, legs dangling into space

She stares into the crystal clear water
In her mind there would never be any imprimatur
She is in conflict of what to do
She slowly kicks off one shoe
To count how long it takes to splash down
If the concrete like water didn't **** her, would she drown

She looked out across the river to watch her last sunset
Thinking of a tragic events she couldn't forget
It was such a soft purple that got more vibrant to a bight pink center
The frost nipped at her nose, and now exposed toes, soon it would be winter

She examines her situation still not sure why
But then again everybody dies
Does our energy escape our corpses
Jets off into the cosmos and courses
Or our we just nonexistent forever in the black void
Both of these thoughts makes her overjoyed

She cracks a slight smile the first in years
In the last of autumn's sun she basks, she has no more fears
She kicks off her other shoe, grabs hold of the cold steel frame
There will be no more living in darkness and shame

She carefully climbs up on to the rail
She didn't want to fall backwards, she didn't want to fail
She spread her arms wide out to her side
Took one more look at the sky, let go and let her body glide
It was the very first time she felt free
Sheer fleeting secounds of glee

She didn't feel the bone crushing impact
As her head wide open cracked
Her body started to slowly sink
Life had pushed her past the brink
Bubbles at the surface forms as the air escapes her lungs

I hope the galaxy gives her life energy hugs
Or if in the dark abyss
I hope shes found rest, either way I know she found bliss
For her wretched life she wont miss

2 days
Of internal despair,
My lungs seemed to
Have forgotten what it is
To breathe.

My body isn't mine anymore,
I'm stuck in it,
My mind racing with thoughts
Of the night you tried
To make me yours.

Never have I been able to
Truly overwhelm
Over songs that narrate
Stories I never thought
I'd have to tell.

My bed never felt so empty,
I've never felt so hopeless
Over humanity.

So when I sit and see
The horizon,
It's as if the waves
Wash away the lies within.
When the below temperature water
Washes over my feet,
It's in those few seconds
That I begin to feel like me.

Me.

The one who kept hope
Despite her father's constant "no."
The one with veins profound in color
And in the words that seep out of them.

My second day of
Internal despair,
And as I waked upon pink sea **** so rare,
I inhaled salt water...
And for the first time in days,
My lungs remember air.

I. I rest my ear to your chest and hear the thudding of foot steps down the stairs, Christmas morning. God is telling me to stop listening. He wants you to wait until 5 am to open the gift that is your rib cage. 5 am is when we bring out the box cutter.

II. I wipe the tears off your face. You clean up good, you look like sunshine, kid. You may be shaking but your bones are as steady and as sturdy as they've ever been. You don't tie something up and tug the strings without a little muscle.

III. I'm looking back, just through the telescope of a few months, and ****, do you ever stop shaking? It's not even winter anymore, maybe the reason your bones are so sturdy is because they're so ******* frozen. Wake that body up boy, it's 75 degrees out. You're not ******* cold anymore.

IV. This isolation you're feeling, it's just a feeling. You've never felt more alone, but here you are, sitting in a room full of people. Maybe you can't see them all, yeah, a lot of them are ghosts, but didn't they teach you something? Anything?

V. Can you offer me any hope at all? None? None?

Like oxygen the human body needs it
In order to survive; In order to exist.
It nourishes and sustains the part of us hidden away from the world - our souls.

Without hope our souls shrivel up and die
And leaves a dark hole inside of us,
Making us question our own existence.