I genuinely hate this situation
I put myself in isolation
To honestly see what I am to everyone
As I thought before I am no one
Days of silence could turn to weeks
Yet no so called "friend" speaks
I am lost within my own contradictions
As were my initial predictions
So here I sit ****** up off something
Knowing all I'll ever be is nothing
I can barely see what I'm writing
With my blurry vision and this dim lighting
But it'll all be over soon I hope
I'm so far past trying to cope

Do you know what it feels like to live with this pain, the pain of your body going numb or the shocks of lightening that spread throughout your body. This feeling of helplessness when you realize you dont what the **** is wrong with you all you know is that every time it happens you want to curl in a ball and cry, everyday is getting worse and these pills arent working. Your vision starts to haze and your breathing starts to come out in pants your chest is crying in pain and the next thing you know your throat and face swell up. Your crying in pain but your trying to hide it from everyone, but those little random episodes start to stay longer than before 1 minute turns to 30 and 30 minutes turn into 3 hours you cant walk you can barely talk and there is absolutely nothing you can do to help ease the pain. Your just left a crying mess without hope...

My poems are sad, yet they make me glad, they bring me joy. I mock you and your actions and it makes me content, with how you left. Broken down, in my weakest state you sent me the pictures, revealed your true face. Blame myself, but truly it's you, wish for the best for the pair of you.

I find comfort in being sarcastic, for it tricks my brain, and my feelings towards you. Like a black tarp, sarcasm covers my heart, and lets nothing sting. But that is not true. For this tarp is torn, my heart is sore, and I cant lie, to feel less blue.

I don't know who I hate more:
          Myself, for loving him
          Or him, for making me

*s.q.

All I want
Is for this
******* headache
To leave me alone
Because for the past
Year and a half
The only pain
I ever feel
Is the one
Residing in my
Head

-e.w.