me: hey
you: hey
me: wyd?
you: nothing. hbu?
me: same.

seen 23:49

I hate her
I hate how she’s a clumsy bubbling river of awkward
I hate how she’s so overweight and entitled
I hate how she’s so overrated and so hated
I hate how she doesn’t listen and is so defensive and hateful
Her nose is so long and covered in acne
She’s let herself go at just thirteen
Being around her is just depressing
I don’t want her in my life
But every time I try I’m too scared
But most of all I hate how she’s me

I just ran.
I didn’t fight,
I didn’t try to
Get him away from you
I didn’t pull him
By his shoulders and
Rip him from your
Near corpse, no.

I ran.
I just, ran into
The room with fear
In my hands
Making it difficult
To lock the door
And I never once considered
How the hell you would get in.

I never told him to stop
I never told him to go away
I never told mom
And I never had the confidence to say
What I needed to
To get him away from you
And help you breathe
Again.

I sat there on the floor
With my sister in my lap
With headphones in her ears
No chance of
Hearing the searing
Screams
Let out by your small
Body

I just let it happen

And with every breath
I took
I knew he was taking one
Away from you
Knocking the ability to properly
See, away from you
And I
Who was just scared
Sat there with no thought
Of trying to make it stop

God I’m sorry

If I had just pushed him away
If I had just gotten him off
If I had just let him see how it
Affected me and
Let it sink in that this
Is not how you treat children
Maybe I could’ve helped
Prevent it.

But I just ran
I didn’t fight
I didn’t try to

And it’s my biggest regret
That I didn’t help you.

Received on February 14th, valentines day
Not meant to be this way
Just for my soul to train
The cup she gave me
my valued  possession
turned to the thing
blocking progression
I drink from it
Filled with rage
Wrists un-slid
again, this stage
Keep it to tease
the beast inside me
for if I throw it away
I would be the same
that I was the day
I broke her
and threw her away

No! Let him go!

Scratch at the cage. Scratch and scratch. Away. Got to get away. Dig out. Dig out.

Theyre coming. Sit and hide and wait. Sit and wait and hide. There is no where to hide. No where to go. Need freedom.

Theres nothing you can do that i have not already done to myself. There is nothing you can do that i have not already done to my self. There is nothing you can do. There is nothing you can do.

Away! GET AWAY. its just me. It has to be just me. Just take me. Its me. ME!

There, there. There, there. Its okay. Im here. Im here. Its me. Im me.

****.

Im sorry. Im so sorry. Please let him out. Let him out.