Day by day I wonder what it would have been like if I came out more girly and more of what my family expected and how life would be so much easier that way. But yet I wasn't, I grieve everyday because in my mind I know what I want to be and I know who I want to be but reality has won the war so far by making my appearance say other wise. Its not easy. I try to tell myself "Do it. They'll still love you" or "if they can except me as gay they can except me as transgender" but deep down I feel so bad for my family.  I know they're just waiting for me to say " just kidding" but I'm not. I want to leave and never come back so I won't hurt my family, but its so hard knowing they need you. But its not the real me.

No I'm not depressed because I'm fat.
No I'm not depressed because I'm being bullied.
No I'm not depressed because I didn't get what I wanted.
But I am depressed but only because of the simple fact that the person I want to be and the person I am are two different genders.
No one wants to help a transgender child.
No one cares if we have feelings or not.
No one understands that the wrong pronouns can upset us.

But when they do...its too late.