When our paths first crossed,
I thought you disdained me,
As every day, greetings flew,
You remained quiet,
No salutation to me.

Status changed, now we’re classmate,
sitting in the same class,
learning the same things,
when voices roam,
there’s one stay quiet to me,
after a while, that one spokes to me,
that one is you, and
I caught a glimpse of kindness in your eyes.

Weeks into months, we've grown close,
Like kindred spirits bound by trust,
You confessed my presence lights your day,
Even mimicking my gentle curve in writing,
A tender touch to my heart, sweet soul.

Now the sands of time are flowing,
just a few months left to go,
we should’ve been closer earlier,
a thorn in my heart, this feeling of -
regret.

Shellshock and butterflies
The drop of my heart when i see your eyes
The shake in my bones when i hear your laugh
Shellshock and butterflies
Never thought I'd say
Love at first sight

I bearly know your name
But can describe the colour of your eyes
Dark oak and honey bees
A labyrinth full of trees
I want to never find my way out
I run in circles, i never even try
I look and look but can't seem to find my mind

The sunlight, it shines in your eyes
But it doesn't hurt, the light
It's a cure for my starved sight

In the end you're just a stranger on the streets
You won't remember me
While i'll still be captured in a dream
I'd be lost in forstes of brown
And leaves falling down
A autumn wave of love carrying a sour note

What a view, know i miss it
You don't know me by my name
You won't remember my laugh or my eyes
But you're the muse
To my long lived love life

I'll admire you till im sick
Of watching you live in a bliss
Long after your memories turn to dust
Of me trying my very best to make you laugh

I want to know your worst secrets
What you dream of at night
The deepes dark of your mind
And the way your soul still shines
The way you act around your friends
Passionate discussions and soft embraces
Sober laughs and drunken talks

I want to know when you look in the mirror
and hate the sight
Caus baby i want you to be mine

Shellshok and butterflies
I meet your eyes i know you knew
I was caught in your air
I got addicted of your name
You won't remember me
But that's fine

As long as you let me use
your beauty as a muse
Emotions hidden in longlost words
And never said out loud thoughts
You live in my mind
Don't mind me borroring your time
In my imaginary land you'd notice me the same
You'd still think about the way
I left without saying goodby

Maybe one day we'll meet again
And you'll recognise the way my eyes brighten
The way my checks reden
When you talk and laugh
When you take my air and be yourself
Even though i don't know enough
And you couldn't be bother to learn
I still hope
One day we'll meet and when the sun catches you right
I'Il get to take a foto burned into my mind
To never forget that night
That day that feeling
When i saw your eyes
For the very first time

And maybe thats why
After shellshock and butterflies
I still look for a stranger
Wandering the streets, living there life
All the ******* time

Jade,
do you know how much you have changed me?
You have changed me so much,
and as you start to fade away, I have this conflicting feeling of if I want to remember it or not.
I connect you with the person I was before.

Jade,
Ill remember you when you pop into my dreams.
Ill remember you when theres nothing else to think about.
through sad old songs,
through poems and letters,
through grass and flowers,
Ill always remember you as my first love.

I was the moon,
terribly in love
with you, the earth-
always chasing,
but never caught up.

My biggest fear
came to pass:
you were gone.
And with you,
a rigid, broken piece
of my heart.

I unlearned you,
every part I loved,
forcing myself to forget,
as if telling the moon
to stop revolving
around the earth
was possible.

I saw you cross the street with her.
She's so pretty.
I didn't know...
You had someone.

I don't know why,
I don't feel the need to cry.
This time around,
Maybe I'm ready to move on.

When I saw my heart stopped.
When you crossed the street.
Her doe eyes killed me,
You never looked me in mine.

Maybe I'm not so ready
To move on.
Maybe I won't cry this time
Because I've died.

I think I love you
More in my mind
Than I do
In real life .

The way you smile,
I don't know why,
But I romanticize you.
In my mind your perfectly mine.

I have a story,
A perfect script for you to follow.
Like a romcom I wrote
But that's not real.

I not a realistic person.
I want perfection.
Your not perfect.
Neither am i.

We fell in love to the words of Shakespeare
Only tragedy could not be more synonymous with his name
We fell in love as the days got longer
Only for the sun to further warm our red-stained cheeks
We fell in love during late nights, sitting in cars where our hearts raced but our lips never touched
Only passing cars whose headlights lit up our sight revealed that these fleeting moments were felt best in the dark
We fell in love while holding onto each other as the waves crashed
Only like rocks thrown back into the ocean, we let each other get pulled under the tide
We fell in love with the idea of a summer love
To never realize we were only dreaming of an everlasting summer, to which we could never have

We had gotten through two winters, and I prayed we could make it through a third
Choosing to forget our last summer was too hot
Sunburn masquerading as blush stained cheeks
A Shakespearean drought that left us loveless and resentful
The moments we shared were again fleeting
To say I never saw you would be a lie
But could you honestly tell me there was anything worth to remember
I had forgotten the push and pull of the tides
I had given all there was left of me to give, apparently never enough
You told me you long for the days I gave you butterflies
And honestly what was I supposed to say
You could never quite figure out how to keep plants alive.
And summer blooms aren’t meant to last through the winter
I regret the last time I said I love you
You were looking through me to summer long forgotten
As the October chill froze over what we had

twelve years ago
a very long time ago
I was just a kid then
(not that I'm any better now)
and love was something new

it felt thrilling, exciting
a young kid entering junior high
I knew most of the kids in my class
every introduction is welcomed
with rapturous claps

but one girl, shy as she was,
charmed me to my bones
she was already taller than me
her skin fairer than the noon sun

it must've been a scene from a movie
for the wind blew her hair about
like a goddess arriving on earth
her smile made me dizzy

God blessed me with a reciprocated love
like a sun-kissed, graceful dove
I jumped like a fool when she accepted me
the date never eludes my mind, it was November three

Alas, I was just a foolish kid then
(not that I'm any better now)
we were happy, if only for a short while
as happy as puppy love could be

her lips did touch my cheek
followed by a quick escape on her part
youthful love, my first love
Gods, we were happy then
she and I,
and maybe everyone...

don't blame me;
a man can only look back
when his future is uncertain
so, allow me this one time

to reminisce
to seek hope
to remember

what I used to be
and what I can be...

Don’t you know I love you so much. I don't know who I am or what to do without you. I need you like a fish needs water or a horse needs the wide open fields.
How could you not love me anymore? You said you'd love me forever? Did you lie? Are you going to love someone else as you've loved me? A person who is not me? I feel like I want to die but don't know how to get there. Is this what you wanted? Are you proud of yourself? How could you not let me in? How could you talk about this with your entire family and not me? What do they know? That I don't? Is my love for you not enough to keep you?
Was forever a lie? Am I not enough? Who am I? Who are you? We're all those years worthless? How can you not love me?
Was begging you/screaming at you to love me not humiliating enough? I never thought I would beg someone let alone my person to love me, to want me, to need me, to be with me, to laugh with me, to run into forever with me.

How could you? How could you leave me behind, did you think everything was going to be fine? Do you care? Do you care that I'm dying, wasting away to nothing, like feathers in the wind, like dust in the sun.

What will you do when I am gone? Thinking your way into oblivion. Repeatedly saying you don't know if love, the innate feelings are there. What does that mean? In a blip in a flash everything has vanished. I just want you to love me, is that too much to ask? How tragic this question that is circling round and round in my brain. I feel like I'm going to fall through space and time into a black hole. But this would be less crushing then what you are doing to me
I want to scream until my lungs bleed until my eyes melt until I am crawling out of my skin. I didn't know pain could feel like this, I didn't know emotions could be this way, I didn't know you could do this to me. No one could besides you.
Are you enjoying this? Are you gallivanting along with your family, are you proud of yourself? Our lives, my life is ruined, in shambles, in tatters. Will you hold this up as a triumph and show those in the crowd.

Will you move on as if nothing happened, unchanged, stoic, ever the logical one, cold, unfeeling, unmoving...while I pound my fists until blood runs down you like stone.
But one day I will die and so will you. You are the only one for me, so I hope that day comes soon

Did I look away and you turned into one of your machines? Do you love machines more than you loved me? Did you love me at all?
Will you make a life with someone else? Tell her all the things we held dear? Will you hold her close, love her more the you loved me? Will you have a family? Build a life? Make all the memories I thought were mine, were ours, were us.

Do you hold your family above me? I didn’t realize we were competing? Was I always second best? Was I always behind? Did I use up all the alotted tick marks? Did my time run out? Were you always looking at the clock and I didn’t know we were racing?

Did you view me as you viewed your swimming career? Up and down and up and down, breath hold, hold it all in, explosion? Completion? A win?

I didn’t know we were on a timeline, were we always racing towards something? Were we not enjoying our lives, our time, our love? Were you not enjoying the journey with me? Were you not in the moment, did you not enjoy just being, just existing, just loving. Just loving me, loving us, loving each other.

Am I in a stagnant state now? Waiting for you to decide to love me, to come back to me, to be with me? Am I a robot that you will turn on if you decide to come back? Or a piece of scrap metal on the factory floor? What do you mean you don’t know how you’ll feel in a couple months? Am I waiting for your love if it ever existed at all. How could you not want me, how could you not pick me? I thought we were stronger than this? I thought we had everything? I thought we had forever. But I guess we had nothing at all

How pathetic am I? How idiotic? How stupid! Waiting like an animal, like a ****** who wants its next fix? Next high? Waiting for your voice, for your call, just to make it through the day, the minute the second. Do they call it chasing the dragon? Chasing chasing chasing … the dragon, until it, until you, turn around and burn me alive? If you turn around at all.
But it’s worse if you don’t turn, if you don’t turn I’ll be left in the dark, alone, in the cold, just to fall, fall, fall into the abyss
I need to be burned, I need to be burned away, burned away to nothing.
Which is how you got rid of me, you got rid of me like it was nothing, we were nothing, I was nothing

I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to yell, I want you to come back, come back, come back, come back to me! I want to hold you, I want to dig myself inside of you, I want you to never let me go. How could you leave me? How could you turn away? Am I nothing? Who am I? Who are you? Who are we?

Who was I? Who were you? What were we?
Just a childhood memory?

Were we ever us?
I thought we had eternity

I Love You
Did you love me too?