it’s your birthday.
once, I swore I’d never forget —
yet, it just appeared on my feed,
when it used to linger
quietly in my head.

you have a family, children, a wife.
time ran off, and left no trace —
am I allowed to wonder at your life?

those strolls under the moonlight,
the midnight dates –
it’s now her looking at the sky
as the stars cascade.

your memory rests where it used to burn —
quiet, soft, asking no return.

First love,

These words, unspoken and raw,

years pass, yet your shadow lingers,

etched into the sound of a worn vinyl record.

There is a place in our minds,

Where it plays in your living room,

Endlessly, since the night we fell.

I recall the verse of the song you played,

a fragile confession of why you are broken,

while you kept parts of yourself hidden,

guarding a truth that’s too painful to own.

That sacred moment,

a scar that whispers secrets,

too brittle to survive.



Now I wander through hallways of our past,

your green eyes,

piercing the hollow spaces of memory,

haunting me with the weight of what was lost.

The bitter burn of whiskey,

the residue of regret,

these remain,

reminders of the words you never spoke,

the ones I needed to heal.

We shattered.

Not with screams
just silence.
Not by luck
just choice.

One that was everything,
But my own

Pieces everywhere,
Sharp edges I didn’t know how to hold.

I reach for something whole,
But all that’s left is fracture

Not even anger
just empty

Longing for what was

A space where we used to be.

That’s the hardest part,
Knowing it’s over.

But not feeling
as though it’s

done

It still hurts.
Your memory’s radioactive.
It’s no use thinking about
how much I lost
as the script of my life kept rolling.

You caught me as I fell,
I was searching for a way out,
and found you instead.
But reaching for you
only pulled me deeper down.

Looking back is hard.
Toxic dust I breathed in,
a chemical romance
that burned through my lungs,
your atmosphere seeping into everything.

Maybe fate turned kinder
the moment I left.
what I might have become
is folded quiet, neatly kept.

But it still stings.
Not the loss—the time I can’t reclaim.
You weren’t a lesson.
You were a delay.

So take the version of me
you once believed.
I won’t ask fate for mercy,
nor beg time to rewind.
I’m done with your ghosts
that never tried.

Love and passion are often confused–
I began with something real.
Love and passion don’t walk side by side, love
tears down walls with a hurricane of butterfly wings

and passion walks easily through the rubble.
I don’t believe in the thrill of the chase, the
opposites attract, or the love that's formed
between two people lost together at sea. Fake.

I’ve experienced 100 exciting-stressful things
but I’ve only experienced 1 you. And they have not
felt the same. The night we met in front of canes
I had lied to my father, and my mother, to see you.

I hated the thrill of the lie, driving with you high,
off devices I couldn't name, I hated that.
But we kept going and chatting, I ignored a stop sign
Sure that I would get pulled over, knuckles red-white,

But you spoke sweetly, said it was ok, I think we knew
that I was colorblind to red when it came to you, and you
smiled when I called with my friends, and you looked so pretty
in the streetlights, and we talked like it was easy. I loved that.

One fish asks another, How’s the water today? The second replies,
What is love? It’s okay if it doesn’t make sense to you—
it makes sense to me, like the way I needed you
before I even knew your name. and honestly

It feels like I met you twice, on the luckiest day of the year, and
the luckiest day of my life, and again in a Kalhert parking lot.
Disappointedly sober, so we crawled into each other unprotected,
And shared songs like pieces of ourselves.  I met you there.

To have learned love from you, I am eternally grateful
that I will never have to feel love turn to hate, or feel
the sting of betrayal, because we weren’t perfect together
but you were perfect with me, and you handled my heart gently

I Think how wonderful it is that I have loved you, because you have
given me love in the buildings and in the trees, and countless things
that bring me back to the thought of you, and I will love to take my walks
and hear your smile, in the way the wind blows through the reeds, of our preservation

I love you too the moon and back
Which is every pump of my heart
Every pulse on my neck
All the blood in my body
Every single individual red blood cell
He said

I love you
You and only you
The beats of my heart are yours
Every pulse of my wrist
Every millisecond
Every Nanobeat of my life is yours
Yours and only yours
I said

In Time
To be understood, that’s all I needed.
To be touched, not just skin-deep but soul deep.
But I was never truly seen.

My eyes dulled hollowed.
Yours… gone.
I watched from behind invisible bars
As you kept living.

A hollow man, buried in memories.
Stuck in the past,
Convicted by what I did,
By what we were,
By your love, your promises.

And I still wonder…
Did God turn His face from me?
Did your eyes ever really care?
Was I just a stepping stone on your cruel little journey?

“I love you,” I whispered,
Heart still waiting for you to come home.
Mind frozen in time,
A relic waiting to be remembered.

I loved you the first time
I loved you the last time
Mon amour, your eyes, like a peacock feather kissed by the sun, glancing between emerald and sapphire, as if nature blessed your eyes with petrichor and the scent of endless blue.

Hair like wheat fields, a lion's mane swirled with amber and gold.
Curls soft and elegant
Unadorned but intricate

You stood with peau beige skin
Warm but yet so cold and unsure
It glimmers in the sun, ivory white
Unbleached, untouched.

You werent just perfect, your heart was as kind as the first rain after a drought, gentle, soaking into the cracks.
Love soft, kind, Agape and selfless.
All the things you do, the ways you move, they send me straight to heaven.