You never want a friend
Making one
Too good lest the friendship ends
When they realise you're not fun
Or smart or pretty
Enough when they meet others
On another
Whole new level.
It's human nature to
Want to come first, don't you
Think? Because being somebody's
Number one is the only
Thing that came to me
Thinking about what I want in life
The other night
And I know it's not right
To think like this
But if you've ever felt this way before
You'd know
There's no
Point in trying anymore.

I wish I could find
the first poem I wrote...

[was it on paper
or deeper, on my heart;
unblemished hope?]

Were my poems
ever melodies?
Or were they just
internal remedies
to the thick,
sick, and cut off
parts in me?

Did I write limericks,
raps, or pick-up tricks?
Were they from my inner voice
or head, just strong?

Did I ever give them air
to breathe,
like a love song?

Is this why
I am now so prolific;
I would prize that poem long,
put it in a vault to deny
constant criticism from the system...

but then let its spirit float free for all eternity.

Love me for the first time.
Baby.

Love me like.
It's the last breath you'll breathe.

Keep me in your pocket.
So you never lose sight,
Of me.

Don't know what I'd do.
Without you.

Maybe I'd be lost.
Trapped in my fears.
Left broken in tears.

Love me like the first time.
Baby.

Love me like you'll never leave.
I only see myself through you.

You made me believe.
In a different dream.

So love me like the first time.
Never let it go.
Never let it die.

Just hold me like it's the last time.

Jade,
do you know how much you have changed me?
You have changed me so much,
and as you start to fade away, I have this conflicting feeling of if I want to remember it or not.
I connect you with the person I was before.

Jade,
Ill remember you when you pop into my dreams.
Ill remember you when theres nothing else to think about.
through sad old songs,
through poems and letters,
through grass and flowers,
Ill always remember you as my first love.

should we ever meet again
I hope it happens when it rains
like a scene from a romantic movie
our hearts might turn empty

I hope you'll be doing better than me;
once I hoped the exact opposite
I wanted you to be down in the dumps
like a person laden with parasites

but seems I've matured now
I let go of all feelings sour
though I write poetry thinking of you
yes, of course I still do

perhaps we'll laugh when our eyes meet
it could be at a mutual friend's wedding
I'll probably walk you all the way to the street
we'll say our goodbyes, our lips smiling

you know I wouldn't go back to the wedding
instead I'd be getting drunk at a bar nearby
my mind filled with the sweetest memories of you'
it'll be my death all over again
should we ever meet again...

Jade is my first love.
he's the one that will always stay in my heart, even after each season passes.
one piece of my heart is always dedicated to him.
I will never forget his birthday, his favorite color, his favorite shirt,
because part of me is him.

A multitude of firsts.
Some he takes,
others I give freely.

it was either during middle school or junior high school
honestly, I can't remember
my English teacher told us to write a poem
didn't matter if it was long as a railroad station
or short as a pathway shortcut
"Just write" she said
she gives me a piece of paper and pencil
and told me a few examples that I can use for my first poem
but one example sparked my interest
"You can write about your favorite color" she said
so, with that in mind I start to begin writing
I wrote about the color blue
and things that have that color in it:
the sky
ocean waves
blueberry muffins
blue jays
sadness and sorrow
depression and numbness
the pain of being found guilty
the feeling of emptiness
being left alone
and showing signs of loneliness

I went on and on until my fragile hand started to cramp
but when I reached the end of my poem
I realized something very peculiar
blue wasn't my favorite color
yet I had presented blue in a way far more than just a “primary” color
When I submitted it to my teacher
she said that she loved it and gave me a good grade
later, when I got my paper back
I reread it a few times
crumbled it up to a ball
and chucked it into the nearest trash can
hoping that no one would find it