i sleep in a house
but dream of a home
-

i miss what it was like.
where did i go wrong?
can we calculate the precise moment that a building collapses?
can we remember the exact moment that our lives crumble around us?
-

I pull at the strands of his shirts, his sweaters and his jeans.  
I become a seamstress and know he will come to me.

He buys new clothes instead.

nicotine
or ****
or both
in my dad's bathroom.
on his second wife, thousandth girlfriend and fourth kid.

four kids
all with different moms
makes for an interesting bunch
if you have the patience for them.

although

i would not call
two holes in our apartment wall
and sore knuckles
patience.
but
to each
their own
i guess.

it must've taken some patience
to drive to vegas
marry a girl
you'd known for 4 months.
attachment issues?
on a seven year old me?
hahahahahahahahaha

stepmom #2? #8?
faces blend together
names turn into
michelledominiquetatijillzhaoaletia

on your good days
of type one diabetic balance
and anarchy signs in the kitchen
i love you

but on your bad days
i love you to death

Your mom calls you an accident,
I call you regret.
You were supposed to be a divine sacrament,
But all you caused me is severe debt.
I wish you weren't around,
But I'm not allowed to say that to your face.
You are so **** hell bound.
What a waste of space.
You're the only daughter,
I wished to ever have,
You only prove that other girls are hotter,
Than in my day and age, they were only ave.
To me you have no value,
But believe what you want,
I'd leave your mom and you in an instant,
But that'd leave decades of haunt.

Why am I your effigy?
You burn, you mock, you curse at me;
You tell me who I’m supposed to be,
But instead, I’m just your effigy.

Rip my skin, and scream and shout,
And tear all of my stuffing out.
Then whine, and cry, and moan, and pout,
Then beat me blue, and scream and shout.

Pin me up, and pierce my heart,
Then rip all of my limbs apart.
Blame me again, and then you’ll start,
To bruise my lungs and pierce my heart.

Punish me each time you drink;
After all, I’m only me.
Your daughter? No, it’s clear to see,
That I am just your effigy.