when Evangeline tells you that you’re dead to her,
you feel as if you are chained to a sinking ship,
permanently trapped at the bottom of the ocean,
and drowning has never seemed so sweet.
as she leaves,
you realise that this is the closest blessing you will ever receive
from a god that you don’t believe in anymore.
because if she didn’t walk away,
you would drag her down to hell with you
before you’d even consider letting her go

my feet are on backward and i think i'm dying
baby, hold me

i'm landing in my sunnystep and my brain is like
thunder music, a beat only a child can drum to

eyes squinted i'm overwhelmed, an anxiety attack
only my mother could sniff out
honey i'm too in denial to tell

i got ******* work to do

but my mind won't let me go
won't let me walk
talk

baby, hold me
lift me from my sunnystep
make me slow down

when people have faith in you
and believe you are a good thing for them
will it hurt more to disappoint them with the truth
or disappoint them with the lie

i am not what you think i am,
and i will not be what you believe i can be

you say you'll take your chances
and i grit my teeth
and disagree and disagree and disagree

your smile softens as my edges burn
and the heat brings tears to my eyes

you can't afford to believe in me more than i believe in myself
but it looks like you're willing to go broke trying

tapping
spanking and
smacking
god-like smite

this camera wouldn't roll load
memory full
now can't open
buy new memory card
don't you know?
wished were as easy as so

becoming shizoaffective with Alzheimer's and senile dementia
buy me the memory card
on a daily basis
getting worse
becoming uncontrollable silence will soon boomerang
dysfunction incorrigible

and when I begin to forget
promise to help me remember
don't let the world shove me aside

my love to the aged outside in the community...we lads and lasses love you all and your cosmic legacies, they will never be put aside

from the growing community