Today was harder than usual.
As I sit surrounded by friends,
My descent into hell begins.
It starts at the base of my bony spine,
"Nothing more than a sting,"
I say. "Nothing more.."
The burning pain crawls higher,
A wildfire spreads up the mountain of my ribs.
"Just a sting, its just a sting.."
I feel my body sink into the seat,
My head drooping to the table.
Burning tears form in my eyes,
Rusted razors crowd my throat,
As the searing pain burns through my body.
I heave and shake,
My friends heads turn.
I can't move a muscle,
At least no more than a twitch.
My friends call my name,
pat my back,
try to get a response.
I can't hear a word,
But my ears crackle and burst.
My heartbeat slams my rib cage,
In an attempt to escape.
It is too late.
Groans escape me,
I claw the desk with my trembling hands.
The wildfire spreads,
Hips, chest, shoulders, neck, head.
My mind scratches the walls of my skull,
Trying to find an way out.
I hold the papers in front of me,
Now soaked with tears,
Trying to grab hold of anything.
Anything that will pull me out
of the wildfire in my bones.
Chronic pain often leaves me debilitated and unable to move, seemingly striking at random. This was two days ago, when I collapsed in front of my friends (and bf) while we were drawing together. I can't thank them enough for their understanding and support through my illness flares. I used to hide my pain, but I have found that sharing it and allowing myself to react often makes me feel better, at least emotionally.
