I see it sometimes

in a dream at night
in a dream at day

I see how good it could be
could've
been.

its
happy

I'm not sure what happy is, but what else could it be?

I see it in my dreams
pure happiness, held tightly in my grasp.

it's so alluring
so
captivating

but why
when it's at its best

must I always

always

ruin it
end it in tears
not just destroy it
but make it a nightmare

i think to myself, why do I always have nightmares and not dreams?
but
is it so?

or

do I turn my dreams into nightmares
always