I want to say more
Than your name
Or I think it is your name
It comes out a jumbled mess
A mouth full of scrabble tiles
I spit out words
You tell me I talk too much
Peel myself apart
Exposing my heart
Before appetizers arrive to the table
And you can’t enjoy your salad
With my heart beating
Upon your plate
I try to zip myself back up
It was too late though
All my stories flooded the table
Blabbering the details
Until I could make a nine course meal
From your ridicule

i had these dreams for a while
after that night.

you said my eyes were pretty
while we laid in bed
just staring
sharing
secrets
under my
softest blanket.

you whisper
an insecurity
and i tell you
that i have
three
toothbrushes
and somehow
slowly
we're
kissing.

we pause
to keep
looking
at each
other's
eyes.

"you're so beautiful"

i'm not
used to
feeling so
special -
we're naked
but suddenly
i'm so very shy.

you leave in the
morning and i
drift away to
you in my
mind.

the next night
i dreamed we
were holding
each other. your
form eventually
begun to twist
and turn beside
me. you morphed
into trauma and
shadows, black
shades running
up my arms
and i can't
breathe
icantbreathe
icantbreathe
i
can't
breathe.

when i wake up
my chest hurts
i curse my brain
and i miss
you.

it went on like that
for a few weeks.

looking back,
i guess this is
healing.

pure,
perfect,
love.

there was a moment
he looked at me
like I was all he needed in the world.

he looked at me
like I was enough.
like I forgot what life was,
before him.

like everything we once were,
COLLIDED...
and the aftermath was love.
pure, perfect love.

he was made for me,
and I, for him.
we will dance in the moonlight,
free from the world’s pain.

all because of him.
all because of love.
pure, perfect love.

The absolutely radical,
Mind boggling idea of being accepted.
-A fantasy served with insecurity
On the side, stained
With the lipstick you only wear
On third dates, the idea of
what love "should feel like"
Bubbling below the skin
Until you get blisters and boils,
sick and heady but starry eyed.
Ignoring the naysayers,
Oh so what if sleeping beauty
Gets roofied here.
The potential to get shattered,
Identity mutilated beyond recognition
Is, after all, a small price to pay
If you finally get to.. Belong.

I want to keep you secret
Because when you’re secret,
You’re still mine
And my thoughts are my own
My feelings are real
I’m free
As long as I keep you to myself
As long as you’re secret

As soon as they know
Their opinions will fill my head
A thick, slow fog in my mind
I won’t be able to trust myself
I know they can convince me of anything
They’ll fill my head with themselves
And there won’t be room for me anymore
No room for us
Once again I’ll be a puppet
They’ll pull at all my strings
Because that’s what they do

I want them in my life
But I also want to be in my life

So for a little longer
You’ll remain my secret
Just until I catch my breath
And am ready to fight my mind

Im pretty good at magic.
Not a sentence I ever thought I'd write because I'm bad at party tricks
And could never identify which one was your card

Lately though, I've been studying with someone
Someone so much better at magic than
I am, I find shivers of joy at every touch

I've seen this woman make ritualistic sacrifice in the name of a better future

Ive seen the clouds bend at the knee, and recoil so that she may see the moon

I've seen smoke clouds dance around her tear stained cheeks as if the bubbling passion underneath were burning off the tears as they fell.

Ive fallen into a deep and unbreakable spell by listening to her bird like songs

Ive seen her fight demons turned cruel by the tides that change at her very wish and baptize the hearts of men in pools of love in its purest, most volatile form

I've seen her tears freeze with sadness as if she were a beautiful portrait frozen in time

Ive seen her curse Gods only for them to bow their heads in shame and apologize like sheepish guilty children.

And sometimes when shes asleep at night,
I can see the angels that come nightly to inspect their fallen sister and ensure her safe travels through the world

I can only hope that I am just as skilled in this craft of passion and evolution
To be able to one day call her truly mine

words
i am searching my mind
thinking hard
where are the words
how can i make you know me
hidden, lost or else forgotten
i struggle to express my desire
for you
to like me, but real me
so i will not fake it
have my language
magnify and judge and once all finished
come back and stay
or else
discard
forget

trying
can you try too hard
too much
too strong
too fast
I cannot stop my thoughts
they circle and circle
and find you again
am I falling?
how can I, if I cannot recall your face

first
I can see you from the distance
Ginger hair and tall figure
Then your arms lift me up
Close, my heartbeat fastens
Your voice reaches deep
Your pace is fast
Am I chasing after you already?
will you let me catch up
I see you look at me
Your eyes, a puzzle
What you’re hiding
are you with me, or else
far away
lost to me
we laugh and talk
time flies
moment flickers
disappears
you were mine only then