no one knows pain
like
the ones
who
curse their beloveds
and
bleed their heart
dry


like
the ones
who
watch blood bubble up
from wounds
self-made

the ones
who
fill themselves up
just
to empty it all
in a bathroom stall

the ones
who
refuse their meals
and
live for the scale
because
numbers
don't leave

the crying poet
the bleeding cutter
the vomiting bulimic
the starving anorexic
the lost
the empty
the lonely
the unloved

the ones
who
love too much
and
not enough

no one knows pain
like
humans know pain

knuckles rubbed raw by
teeth so sharp and blunt
a tongue rough and silent

violent retching
self-harm for a throat
already held by a noose

she promises
just

one more cookie
one last bite
one last calorie
one last breath
one

the toilet bowl is her best friend
and she hugs it close
when no one can hear

Beautiful and hungry,
They proclaim my fears.
They scream out of the darkness,
They whisper into my ears.

"A moment on the lips,
Adds ten pounds to your hips."

It rips into my sides,
It makes my stomach churn.
I guess I'll always think this way.
I guess I'll never learn.

"Dance for me my puppet."
And so I danced for her.
"Bind yourself to me my dear"
And so I bound myself to her.
"Listen to me and no one else."
And so I listened to only her.
"Starve yourself for me my precious."
And so killed myself for her.

Maybe one day the wind will pick me up and take me away from this place.

Maybe then it will whisper how lovely I've become.

I can feel it.
Just under the surface, it's there.
That hard prominent perfection.
Under my fingertips that trace my imperfections.
They are there.
Beautiful and white.
Just pull my skin tight and you can feel them too.

Everything they say,
Everything they do,
Everything they spout,
is a lie.

I know because the voices in my head told me so.

Just let me melt into the floor.
Leaving no remnants
of my life on the hard wood.

Stare into me as I evaporate into the sky.
And run through my shadow
as though I were never there.

This love is pungent.
Draining my heart of the light that used to live there.

My shell has broken,
And my insides have seeped out through the scattered fragments.

I've nothing left to do but
Disappear forever.
So wave goodbye as you watch me drip through the floorboards
And disappear into the sky.

All that's left in her cold veins
Is what hasn't been excised
She stares off into the crowd
Wondering what it's like
To have a soul.