The ones that leave us first,
Their uneven ground we ever tread.
Stumbling after each of them,
Wading through their wake.
But God forbid we take their path,
And fall hard upon such wasted life.
Fumbling for their left behinds,
Drowning in the same mistakes.

Tom Lefort - May 2023

Like a cell drawing in pure water, rejecting unnecessary, undesirable molecules.

Like a virus spreading multiplying, taking over with vigor and tenacity.

Like the bubbles on the burbling lips of a toddler, growing and popping and dripping.

Like a ronin samurai without a lord, coming and going like the wind.

Like a thought that just won’t quit, a feeling that burrows into the bones.

Like the intensity of a fire, when a steady wind presses the seat of the fuel source.

So is my passion for life.

Feelings are funny things
I used think feelings were the sweet feelings you felt when you were very young
When you were little
(Before the emptiness came)
These were what feelings were... to me.

So it used to baffle me when I got older
After I'd gone through some traumas of my own in life
And suddenly I found much to my dismay
That I no longer felt anything inside myself anymore
Only an emptiness, a numbness, a nothingness... a void
Those lovely early feelings had now all gone
I knew...I knew there was something wrong

But then I'd hear some people say
"Oh, I feel this way or I feel that way... I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel...
And I'd think to myself What! you still feel something inside yourself
Y'know Me! I don't feel anything anymore
All my old feelings that made me who I was they've  all gone
And I have no idea how to get them back again.

But then I'd think
Y'know when you say you feel...say you feel lonely or depressed or calm and confident
Overwhelmed or in control... whatever!
all these different emotions/ so called feelings
But these aren't.... these aren't the real feelings are they
Not like the feelings you had when you were a little child
Their just... aren't they just words describing mental states where/how you find yourself during the day
You feel sad probably because you're thinking sad thoughts
Or you feel happy because you're thinking happy thoughts
But sure I could do that
Yea! I could say well I feel... I feel hungry
Or I feel a bit apprehensive about something that's coming up
Or maybe I feel excited because I'm going out to a show somewhere
But these... these aren't the real feelings are they though
Not the lovely sweet feelings you had as a little child
No! Their not the same.

Y'know when a child comes into the world they start as a clean slate
They have no words at all to begin with
Yet even then they have these incredible sweet feelings inside that make them feel so happy and so special
It makes them feel like they own the whole world
Maybe... maybe their a symptom of the Divine. I...I don't know.

And I'd say this to someone sometimes and it's like they'd look at me kind of strangely
As if to say "What do you mean... when you say... the real feelings!

The house fell silent on the day he left
The house fell silent and we were bereft
No footsteps running down the stairs
(As though invaded by a troop of bears)
No hugs or kisses on top of my head
No disappearing forks or staying in bed
No surprise breakfast or cups of tea
No sudden lectures on life at sea
No rubbing my feet or hugging me quick
No clearing up when the dog’s been sick
No “I love you” or “love you too!”
The house fell silent and so did you.

We waited hoping you could survive
We wanted you awake as well as alive
But the house fell silent when you left
And then you were gone and we are bereft.

We are bereft and you are dead
We can’t remember all you said
All you said and all your love
All that life in heaven above
(You don’t believe in that we know
But we hope that heaven is where you’ll go)
All your creations and all your care
All your mess in your private lair
All your energy and all your you…
And all your loud opinions too.
The house fell silent on the day you left
Our hearts are broken; we are bereft.

Those still left, bereft, bereft,
Nothing left, nothing left
But empty places, fading faces;
No one here, just this fear
Of forgetting all we said
Within those hallowed years,
That now speak just in whispers
As they are quietly left for dead.

TS Lefort 2020

My dreams were shattered,
My hopes scattered,
The day my son left,
Leaving us bereft,
Not of wealth,
But health.
The shock of him leaving was too much,
Life became an empty watch,
Without the supportive hands.
My husband's health declined,
So did mine.
Soon my better half died,
I had to move on,life I defied,
No more dreams nor hopes,
No search for better scopes.
Each day became a reality,
Forgive and forget,live with dignity,
Live life to the full,day to day,
The rest on Allah,what say.