In this river of wine
I love my love with love
Never known before

Don’t walk into this river of hope
wearing a robe
You don’t take a good bath
wearing your gown
Come naked
In this garden
Without clothes, without figs

I am glad
that you found me
How pure a flame now burns
This thirst
with which I burn

after the journey is just before home
after the experience is prior to remember
after the discovery is before understanding

I get sad when you come to mind....
I have wanted you for so long.... i hoped one day you would be the one I would find..

I have loved you for so long....
I never stopped loving you even when i had a 'toy' to help forget what brought my saddness on...

Even when hed be here....I still looked for you *** it was you who should have been there.
Not once did i ever stop thinking about you......
I knew somehow you were behind it all in some way too...

When john died close to 3 yrs now.....

you were there to talk to me all the time...
making me feel better ....
getting the sun again to shine.

I wish it were that way now *** when my mom dies....
how will i  manage......  i ust dont know how...

You used to seem so much more compassionate and loving about life..
Now its not that way....
I wish i could go change it or so you can end it for me, just hand you the knife.

as we stand there

hand in hand

falling back

so gracefully

i want you to

remember me as i was

before i turned into

what you were

No one could hear that sound.
The eerie sound of nothing, of no one
for all was a sea of laughter, with waves of glee.
Golden smiles like the sun shining down with no
sign of tears rolling in or screams from above;
That was painted in our minds.

Your eyes saw this and much more.
Hearing the same waves crashing and birds singing,
The same smell of pure hearts like salt in the air
lingering, distorting the truth that was all too known.
You could read the pages of each bird's fate clearly
without their eyes glances to aid.

Your face was just a ghost in gold.
A fake smile shining, shielding the fact that
These birds would soon drown, the water burning
them in their glee and revealing their true hatred.
Your fate was a matching pair, you could hear the sound
of nothing, fate's voice.

You enjoy the lies amongst the people
that all will be well once this party dies, fades
and laugh you remaining minutes away.
Your eyes, your topaz stones shine despite the fact
that you know what the calls of birds represent.
The Silence Before The Storm.

Before
Before I gave in to my lust and sin,
Before I let it take over, before I let it win,
Before he took my confidence and threw it in the trash,
Before I tried to solve things with a single little slash,
Before he used his words to hold and tie me up,
Before I finally said "Enough is enough",
Before I ran away, and finally was set free,
Before I saw the truth, the answer, the key
Before my Hero came and gave me peace and strength,
Before I gained the confidence to soar to great lengths,
Before I ever met him, I sang a beautiful song,
But after all that happened, I'm still standing strong

He saw me sleep
Blood flow from the mind
And fumes from the eyes
He clattered and ground
His gears

His grim fermented
Circuits and wires
Fusing within
A core of metal droplets

I shot up
Blown from my slumber
His bright stare in slate
Wouldn’t fade, but
Burned in my eyes

I shook and sweated
As he could not
That foul machine
Clatters on.

I am who I am
I live how I do.
Because the one moment in my life
That changed me.
There was a before and an after.

Before;
I was her.

After;
I have become this.

Before, you knew me.
But this is who I have become.
Try to understand.