i used to say
that even if i wasn't okay right now,
i would be eventually

now that's getting more and more questionable

Am I a good person?

Underneath all these layers
(The layers of an onion)
[Like Shrek, full of layers]
-pretty sure the onion quote is dead-

I don't want you
to remove my layers
to find a person that
isn't the same on the outside.

Onions are perfect
because with each layer
they look exactly alike.

If you took me apart
we'd find the person
I think you want me to be.
(If you took me apart you'd be a murderer)
[Don't try to find out, organs don't talk.]
-The mess would be such a hassle-

I wish someone could tell me.
It's all in the way,
these layers
they're all that we have.

Sometimes, life is good.
And sometimes, it's bad.
Sometimes, life can even seem cruel.
But it can also be special.
Like when you become a mom or dad.
Now that we've talked about
What life is sometimes,
Let's talk about what it is all the time.
When it comes down to it,
Life is life.

need a break?
breakfast?
coffee break?
lunch break?
linebreak?
heart break?
summer break?
christmas break?
breakfree?
breaking bad?
break-a-leg?

I fought a snake last night.
A boy came after me to do the same.
But I told him I already did it.
He seemed to not really believe that I already gone through this fight.
It was over but he made me do it again.
So I threw the boy to the snake and ran.

Something in me told me I had to do this to really finish it.
Couldn’t help being a bad ***** in my dream.
It was his time to fight so now I had to leave.

Be free.
Run, run, run.
Run to the city.
The brown empty city in the night.
Through the night.

I don’t know why this keeps on happening.
It’s like I’m forced to fight every time before being able to let go.
Can’ t just shake it off cause there’s always something, somebody left to fight with or fight for.
And afterwards being afraid of what will be my sentencing.
It’s unacceptable, you did something horrible.

Something in me told me I had to do this to really finish it.
Couldn’t help being a bad ***** in my dream.
It was his time to fight so now I had to leave

**** it off and then you can run free!
Run, run, run.
Run to the city.
The brown empty city in the night.
Through the night.

Life = death &
Death = life.
When you let go you will know.
You will know when you let go.

I snuck out

and I stole cash

and I ran away

and I got lost

and I was alone

and I was scared

and I got into cars
with strangers

and sometimes
I didn't know
where I was
when I woke up

and I kissed boys

and I had ***

and I got hurt

and I hurt myself

and I skipped school

and I did drugs

and I drank too much

and I trespassed into places
where I knew I shouldn't be

and I went home with people
who I knew I should've ran from

and I kissed more boys

and I had more ***

and no one noticed

and no one said anything.



but then I kissed girls

and suddenly,
everyone noticed

and I was told that
I was doing bad things

and I was told that
I was going to hell

and out of every bad thing
that I had ever done,

I was never told
that I had sinned

and no one had ever said
that I did something wrong

until I kissed another girl.

good girls
are not supposed to
get angry
or raise their voices
when they argue
or argue at all
in the first place.

good girls
are not supposed to
wear ripped jeans
or tight shirts
or say the word “****.”
good girls
are not supposed to
even think about *******.

and here I am,
having already used
the word “****”
three times in this poem.

good girls
are not supposed to
get plastered
on school nights
or tipsy before classes
or listen to music
with the volume
cranked all the way up.

good girls
are not supposed to
know which windows
make the least noise
when they’re sneaking out
or know where they can
buy cheap alcohol underage
or know who they can kiss
and where to kiss them
to get what they want.

good girls
are supposed to
smile silently and be pure
and go to church
or wherever they pray
to cleanse their filthy souls.

good girls
are supposed
to believe in
and put their trust in
and have faith in a god.

good girls
are supposed to
expect this god to
keep them away from harm,
and to never learn how to
keep themselves safe
if this god fails to.

good girls
are not supposed to
act anything like me.

the only thing
I have ever truly
believed in is poetry.

I outgrew religion by
the time I turned seventeen,
long before then
if I’m being honest.

I never turned to prayer for
advice on how to live my life.

I never turned to anyone
but myself.

I only consulted the bible
when I needed inspiration
for some tragic poem.

good girls
are not supposed to
write poetry
the way that I
write poetry.

good girls
never speak of or write about
*** and drugs and violent minds
and suicide and more ***
and broken hearts.

good girls
don’t sing along to
the lyrics of sad songs
in front of open windows
just for the ******* sake of it.

but good girls
don’t realize that life is short
until it’s too late.

good girls don’t ever
get to feel alive.

a girl like me
who gets into trouble
and refuses to stay quiet
and causes a scene
everywhere she goes
is not a good girl.

a girl like me
might be too reckless
and die too young.

but a girl like me
will die with no regrets
and plenty of memories
and so many *******
stories to tell.

a girl like me
will live the life that
good girls dream of,
but never get to talk about.