Walking about campus
Minding my own business,
When suddenly
A person appears in my vision
My thoughts go by rapidly
I am at an internal division;
Hide or run
Pick one

So, since I fear what may come of running,
I hide
My heart is gunning
Friend lets me hide, making comments on the side
As said person passes by
I want to cry
Flashbacks hit like a boulder
My friend touches my shoulder
Tells me said person is gone
And I was seen, hiding like the meek little fawn I am

Then in my last class
I take the restroom pass
Walk out and into the open air
For now without a care
Go around the corner
Instantly put my head down line a mourner
Face white, like a wraith
I have no faith
In myself
I want to run and hide in a shelf
Because there's that person again
That I just can't seem to escape
Almost like they're waiting...
Hopefully not for me
I put my head down
Pass them by
Silence

Once inside the safety of the restroom
I feel like there is no room
I corner myself
For a second, I put my heart on the shelf
Back against the wall
I go back to an old habit
Hiding like a rabbit
Eventually coming out
Looking about
Then returning to class

After school
The air is cool
I sit at a bench
Read something in French
Wonder what it means
Then I look to my left
Don't know when they crept
So close to me
But they left me be
4 feet away from me
Chilling me to the bone
I just want to be left alone

Eye contact
Then quickly broken
By me
Hoping they'll leave me be
Nothing is done or said
But still I am filled with dread
Unsure why
But still, I cry

They leave, walk away
Thought they left my day
I go to my sister
To carry her bag
So the walk wouldn't be a drag
Then, 4 feet away
There is that person
Talking to a friend of mine
Great, just fine
I take the bag and go
My sister goes with the flow
And we leave it all behind us
Until the next dawn.

- Jay M
February 29th, 2020

I’m a face in the crowd
With the holier than thou
Who scream so loud
That they’re proud
I look around
Then look at the ground

We disagree
Differing
On different needs
They’re an aggressive breed
Making others bleed
For what they believe
So I flee
Into solitary
Avoiding Ares

I become less brotherly
As I forget the suffering
In my submerged submarine
Where I can’t hear the thundering
Of social interaction blundering

I’m exiled in style
Haven’t seen people in a while
Which makes me smile
Skipping their trials
Walking for miles
Without the vile
Spewing their bile

I walk through peaceful pastures
Far away from our corporate masters
Dodging all the disasters
That make us die faster
I focus on the pastor
To live happily ever after

I lose my relatability
In a state of tranquility
From the holy trinity
Helping me see infinity
And start living differently
Instead of living miserably

Using ignorance for protection
I start to lose connection
To important lessons
That met my deflection
Or circumvented detection
As part of my rejection
Of society’s infection

I try to avoid negativity
But I can’t set the living free
If all my life is giving me
Reflects my selfish greed
Living under tranquil trees
Away from their hypocrisy
And false democracy
Always mocking me
From afar
Leaving the door ajar
For me to heal some scars
But for that I’ll have to leave Mars
And mingle with the stars
That float in the distance
While I watch their imprints
Making the night sky different

I avoid their pain
Becoming lame
Playing a game
Of staying tame
So I circle the drain
Without leaving a stain

Paper. Pen.
    Let's write out our feelings.
    "I'm having a rough time."
Cell phone
Online recipes.
    I should cook that soon.
Hotel websites.
    Free breakfast? Eh I'm vegan now so just fruit.
    Swimming pool? I'm sure it'll be busy
    Fitness center. Leo wants to run in the morning.
    Booked. Could be a good night.
Paper. Pen.
    Right. Writing.
    "I can tell journaling is helpful
    because I'm resistant to doing it."
Text messages.
    Leo thinks they were too mean to me.
    I think I deserve it.
    I love you.
Paper. Pen.
    Hm. I should write some poetry.
Photos.
    Wow look at how my face has changed, let's make a collage.
    Oo what else.
    Body pictures.
    Pre-surgery picture.
    Damm I've really sculpted up.
    Reconsiders feeling gross physically.
    Arguable.
Paper. Pen.
    How easy it is to ignore you.
    How easy it is to ignore myself
    And not listen to my feelings.

how can i avoid you
when you’re in my thoughts
24/7

how can i avoid you
when i see you everywhere
i look

how can i avoid you
when i’m in love with
you