#autism poems on Hello Poetry

L Nov 2018

In your dream
they took you
and your skin scraped the floors
of some place terrible.
“You’re hurting me” you said.

You live here.

Your back bends over a table
and the woman snarls at you into finishing.
Fill in the blanks.
How many days in a year.
Something screams inside you, and you know you’ve written the wrong answer.
You are humiliated before them all.
“I should fail you” she says.
“I can’t do this” you beg.
But nobody understands you,
speaking in tongues like you do-
child-devil;
like animals weeping their life into deaf ears, telling stories in whines and tears .

...

In your dream
His usual dyed mustache
now parading its natural white.
Something’s changed in him

but you know it’s not enough.

You open your mouth
in tongues, in tongues
but this is a dream
and in this dream, they understand.

“I know what you did to me. I know who you are.
Selfish. Selfish.
You came for my light
because yours had extinguished.”

Crushed by the truth, his heart crumbles.
He understands.
They all do.

Joy.
You’ve won.
And you wake.

You wake.

#dream #abuse #autism #school #healing

L Nov 2018

The Greatest Show On Earth

When I was fourteen,
I had the sun in my mouth.

I, a baby with parted lips.
The world dancing before me.
Like the greatest show on earth.

Here, the greatest fool.
A devil, a child.

The dumbest romantic you have ever known.
The softest, sweetest buffoon.
Imbecile.
Idiot.
The biggest joke to come out of a woman.

...

And yet, what could be more pure
than to say the words
and not know what they mean?

To have no fault. To be unaware.
To know only wonder
and tears.

Horned child of paradise.

       Hold yourself
and sing into the night.
    Cry into your arms

      and say goodbye.

Goodnight

#childhood #trauma #autism #innocence #abuse

m Nov 2018

You know they can tell (pt. 2)

You know they can tell
When you walk by
With your stim toys and your fingers tapping

You know they can tell
When you chew on your shirt and flap your arms
And when you stand too close and stare too long

You know she can tell
But she giggles and explains things to you
And she doesn't care about it
She loves you anyway

The sequel to one of my best poems. New relationship, new version. I have been diagnosed with Autism, so I thought I would try to write about it. Also sweetheart if you're reading this I love you.

#autism #love #happy #feelgood #stim #anxiety

Harri Oct 2018

Can you see me?

Look at me.
Tell me what you see.
Dark hair
Blue eyes
Pale skin,
Is that all?
Look again.
Look closer.
Please,
Look closer.

Do you see them,
The scars
The bruises
The cracks?
The shadows,
So many shadows.
When I look in the mirror
They're all I can see
But you say that I'm fine,
Am I fine?

Please.
Please see me
Please hear me
Please.

Can you hear them
On my tongue,
The pleas
The cries
The screams?
They sound so loud
In my head,
And taste so bitter
Always sitting there,
A sodden
Seething
choking pill
That I can't swallow,
But can't spit out.

Do you understand?
Please.
I just need someone
To see me.

#mental #health #illness #depression #anxiety #awareness #aspergers #autism #hidden

Harri Oct 2018

Marionette

All I can do is close my eyes,
And hold my breath,
And pray that this is not my life.
That I was switched at birth,
Or switched in time,
Or maybe I just haven’t woken up yet.
That’s it!
It must be!
This is all just a dream,
a nightmare,
This merry go round
Of work and bills and people, oh my!
And the tune that it’s playing
As I spin round and round,
The cracked cadence of a broken music box,
Do this, do that, why aren’t you married yet?
Hey don’t worry,
You just haven’t found the right guy.

It should be so easy,
To dance to their tune.
Everyone else does it…
So why can’t I?

#society #mental #illness #health #autism #aspergers #depression #anxiety #dream #reality

Harri Oct 2018

Chiaroscuro

They say demons should be
     exorcised
They say in the dark lurks
     evils
They say in your soul
should be nothing but
       light
That washed out is better
than chiaroscuro.
They say all these
      things
But what do they know,
these people who live in the grey?
My muses are demons
My pen is a knife
My life is much
       better
With black ink in my
       veins
I suppose if their minds were to
       open
We'd all be exactly the same;
A world full of demon filled people
With eyes open
       wide
Drawing beauty from shade.

#mental #illness #health #autism #aspergers #depression #anxiety #demons #chiaroscuro #awareness

Harri Oct 2018

Bones

I’m slipping again.
I can hear them.
Whispered admonishments,
Echo in my head…
Louder and louder,
As I feel fuller and fuller,
All my spaces filled with shadows,
And the demons start to creep,
Clawing up my throat
And through the cuts in my skin.
I can’t control the chaos,
My hands are sliding on the reins,
I wish that I could ask for help,
But they won’t let me.

I don’t recognise the face I see,
Staring from the mirror,
It’s pale,
empty,
An ill-formed shell,
A weak and cracked container
For this maelstrom,
My hell.

They’re scratching at my skin again,
Make it stop, make it stop.
My bones are breaking through again,
Make it stop.

#mental #illness #health #bones #autism #aspergers #depression #anxiety #awareness #demons

Harri Oct 2018

Don't forget to smile.

Smile.
“I’m fine.”
Smile.
“Just tired.”
Smile.
“oh, sorry, I’ve been busy.”
Smile.
Smile.
Smile.

It’s funny,
isn’t it?
How hard it is to tell the difference
between a smile

and a grimace.

It’s funny,
isn’t it?
How people are so willing
to swallow a lie,
If it’s what they want to hear,

And you’re baring your teeth.

#mental #illness #health #autism #aspergers #smile #awareness #depression #anxiety #lie

Emerson Nosreme Oct 2018

Describe Yourself

I know it sounds
So utterly dull
And strange to
Some of you
But here is
A description
Of me
Like you asked

I am a child born as snow fell
On the day David Bowie died
(Technically a few years before that)
A little late
But still good
I was as quiet as a mouse
I never cried or complained

But when I got older
Things changed
I didn’t act like other children
I wore brown each day
Which turned to purple
And now it is shades of
Blue, black and grey
Things were confusing
And a woman kept seeing me
In my home
Asking me questions
And showing me videos and pictures
Of a million different emotions
On a million different faces
And I mostly stayed alone
In the playground

I then researched myself
I found out what I have
It’s a little something
That makes me a little mad
But not bad
I don’t understand different emotions
I know what happy is
I know what sad is
But people don’t show their emotions truthfully
And I can’t understand it
I hate it when people talk
LOUDLY
AT
THE
TOP
OF
THEIR
LUNGS
I don’t like trying new foods
I don’t like being touched that much
Unless I know the person
And processing information
Is a little hard

But I have a few abilities
So I’m not a disability
I see patterns everywhere
I remember random facts
I see the trees and not the forest
I am emotive and mostly understanding
And of course
I write my dreams
My thoughts
My opinions
My life
Through poems
And questions
And the nice thing is
No one minds
No one cares
They don’t mind that I am me
They don’t care how I do things

if you see any song lyrics that I am referencing or any other references, let me know!

#autism #life #emotions #feelings

Emerson Nosreme Oct 2018

the myth of autism functionality

Can you clear this up for me?
I was told autism is a 'spectrum disorder'
It is Autism Spectrum Disorder
Spectrum means a circle of unless colours in different shades
Light or dark
Hot or cold

So why is it rated by functionality?!

I am 'high functioning', I can succeed in life with no support.
If that is the truth
Why do I panic at every sound?
Why can't I process information?
Why am I not as social than I should be?

I know someone who is 'low functioning'
I am told they won't succeed at life
But they draw beautiful pictures
So does that mean they will not succeed?

So tell me
Is the spectrum a lie?
Or is the functionality a myth?

#autism #functionality #life #spectrum #autistic