Bane of gasping gentle breath,
Wide eyed searching for car crashed trees,
Crying over mountain peaking,
Peaking out over life times of achieve,
Timid rabbit darting emoticons,
That aren't disguised as suits,
Emailing faults of profiled skin,
Obsoleted by obsessivenessly,
Picking at unreachable kills,
Wasting away from sunny sleep,
While in the background,
The TV play that one movie,
Where everyone dies,
On repeat.

in dim lighting we’ll smell coffee and with blurry vision everything resembles the way things look through a kaleidoscope-
light shades of purple and blue
the dream is this
we don’t feel lonely like this
i’m hugging this blanket too tightly

oh wow, i luv u
normally i’d be eating pizza but i luv u
i luv u too much to eat food
but i dont luv u enough to not think about the food
(which makes me sad)
i luv u so much that i wish i looked like u
because i luv ur looks more than my looks
yesterday my mom bought a lazer pointer for my cat to play with
this morning i used tht lazer pointer
and the cat went wild n chased it up the stairs
the cat is me and the lazer is u
<3
nice

in 5 out of six classes i almost cried
i dont know why
i fell asleep next to this computer and banged my head on it 7 times during the night
sometimes i become self aware and become as small as possible
today i made a smoothie
and felt unhappy with my body
i want to leave the internet for a long time
and wear a hat at every moment of every day
i really hate food most of the time
im going to bake a cake
no actually thats a terrible ******* idea
okay
whatever
today on the 40 minute bus ride to school i was daydreaming about throwing up blood endlessly
i get a lot of comfort from standing near someone
i do not know how to explain it
there are so many people i appreciate and i dont know how to tell them

you make me feel weird, like,
really positive but also super anxious and kind of depressed.
its nice.
today that emotion made me wake up while hugging a blanket
and i thought,
"i’m hugging this blanket really tight.
it’s nice”
today that emotion made me upset i was not still hugging that blanket throughout the day.
except i never got that emotion out no matter how much water i drank or how much food i didn’t eat.
you tried pulling this away from me but really i asked for it

Her bleached skin
Frays at the edges
She stitches the tears
With black thread and coloured ink
A wavering rise
Paints her back, golden

turns out I’m not as funny as I thought I was
also, turns out people who you talk to online are real people.
what
that’s weird
and nice
today I watched Scrubs for the first time
the main character is kind of cute
I do not like his friends ****** hair
today I watched the sunset in a field for the second night in a row
I decided I want to do this every single day
and I want people to come with me
but nobody wants to and I’m kind of sad about it
my friend is asleep and I’m not
if she were not here I would probably be crying about music
thx
when people ask what I write I have no idea what to tell them
because mostly people wouldn’t consider this poetry and I wouldn’t either
I just like writing small thoughts I think
I don’t know
I’m confused as ****
I’m nervous a lot of the time
I cannot keep eye contact with people because I am nervous at those times
that’s okay probably
she just made a noise that sounded happy while sleeping

I’m now listening to Goodbye Horses over and over
wow
I really love this song a lot
and it’s a song I’ll hear again when I’m, I don’t know, 23 or something
and I’ll hear it in someone’s house
while I’m laughing at something and then I’ll say
“I used to love this song”
and nobody will care except for me
and then I’ll cry in the bathroom with the song playing in the distance and the sound of people yelling over it
I imagine myself to be homeless at least once in my life
holy.dhit
****
there’s this ad on spotify about ******* hot dogs and I swear to god ig comes on between every song and I’m going to tfucking cut my legs off if I hear it again I promise you I will I do not care if the hot dog is kosher please stop advertising hot dogs it’s not something that needs advertising honeslty people buy hot dogs zzso often I’m tired
anyway
the song started again
um
I really want to have a neighbor that is not very old
and I will go to their house often and talk about food and point out the sound of their voice sounds nice and we can go outside and say things outside at night . ****

i thought you were cool until i fell in love with you
then i started to hate you (and loving you)

i dont know, your eyes bother me because i like them a lot
and when i watched a movie and saw a girl with the same eyes
i cried a lot (dont tell anybody i did that)

your voice sounds so nice when its yelling songs at 10pm under moonlight
and i wish that was a sound i could hear more often
but u dont care 4 me (whatevr)

hello cinematic sky dripping dead birds &
your moonshine eyes.  nothing burns sweeter than
the liquor on our tongues when they twine tighter
than a newborn's clenched fist.  you so lost ships. you
empty cornfield.  wanna bury my body in your fleshly limbs.
feel the tattoo of your heart.  there's a bullet with
my name on it.  you can be a pistol or you can be
the stars.  either way, i beneath you always. watch the
fireflies make love as my lights go out.