empty wine bottles in your room
when i wake up, sometimes,
i still reach for you

empty glass bottles
rattling around in the backseat
why do i still think of you

very start of the new year
empty wine bottles hidden in your bin
i couldn’t be around that, you knew this
what the **** were you thinkin’

topo chico clinking in the backseat
reminds me of when i found the
empty something-else in your recycling

(sheesh)

driving me bonkers
that i still crave to kiss you
it’s the little things
that help me not miss you

bought me the wrong kind of candy for a late valentine’s
and maybe i shouldn’t care as much as i do
but i couldn't help the eerie feeling creeping inside
that things wouldn’t ever be what they used to

we were only kids
thirteen and twelve
you'll never understand the grief you caused--
i lost myself

adrift in a world of nightmares flashing always, never ceasing
you had me on the run
from everything that i was thinking, wanting, feeling

tracking calories and body weight to regain control
spiraled into darkness with drugs and alcohol

my head is and was and always will be such a mess
i swear i screamed out NO but all you heard was Yes

~

what the **** happened to you

and, more importantly,

what happened to me?

That rush of euphoria fighting into our head,
Jolt of adrenaline creeping to the places we tread,
Reckless actions thrown up for the sake of this sensation,
What more can this be called...
but a poison created of our own volation?

rain soaked skies,
warm blanketed bodies
laughing loudly
(oh god how sweet is the laughter)

gin painted lips
worn with love and passion.
voices of friends  
whispering prophecies

of a lifetime
waiting to be spent together.

all of this goodness
huddled under the shelter
of a house that holds
arms open.

with people warmed
by liquor that teaches tipsy.
that teaches joy filled tears
(i’m still echoing bellied laughter- it’s beginning to hurt)


there is so much love here.
it spills over plastic cups in hands
as a we dance
we dance.

i can not stop the gratitude
from leaving from my lips.

i can not be the only one that feels
all of this goodness.

(i love you,
please let us do this again.)