his face against mine
i sigh
he opens his eyes
he tells me what he wants
not a question
so i open mine
and turn to my side
i have to deny
what he wants
because on my mind
is another guy

I miss Marseille,
today,
though I can still see her,
I know I'll soon be on my way.

The dusty rock,
the hills embrace her,
the wisps of mist,
I miss Marseille,

her way, an understanding that:
if you can't, you don't pay -
prix libre they say -
associations of the worlds strays.

I miss Marseille
and hearing what she has to say,
on walls, from squats,
saying what's often neglected, forgot.

She's frank and clear
and has time for every kind of queer,
I long for her to lead me astray,
to change; I miss Marseille.

Always. The Sun,
the passage of the days,
anticipation at reaching ever corner,
a confluence of culture, Marseille the forum.

Tunis, Algiers; I can smell
the North of Africa,
hear the sails of all the boats
that traffic her,

I see them line the shores
of every bay
that twist and turn along Marseille,
Swigging from my bottle of beaujolais.

****, I miss it.
Just the thought, I can barely resist it,
I could pack it all up and leave today,
For Le Plein, Cours Julien, For alive Marseille

It belongs to all it's people, to us
and if you try to take it
watch the fuss,
the fury and the disorey,

****, I ******* Love Marseille.
Everyone's on the cusp of Love & Hate,
either knocking on or burning down the gate,
all indulging in their collective fates.

Now, a Picon beer with a slow sunset,
please know, I have not one regret,
just lessons from my passions
and ideas from everyday chic/schlague fashion

I will miss your elevator kisses,
your smile in the stormclouds,
the lightning,
so exciting and frightning.

I loved it when you hated something:
The tourists, Men suffocating the street.
I loved seeing how you could eat,
you will always be an inspiration

So, it will be fine, okay?
So long, Marseille,
with your West facing bay,
you are forever blue in my memory, never grey

But, I will miss you, Marseille,
and that's okay.

I keep those words locked inside my heart
Combinations of letters that I can’t let you see

They really aren’t that important to you anyway
But they mean so much to me

I always felt older than you, even though you were
forty-eight (but not fifty) years my senior.
My instinct was to put out my arms so you could come
crawling, curling up in my lap, and I could
pet your thinning hair and whisper that I would never
let anything hurt you ever again. Kiss your
soft, shaking hands and shield you from everything.
You would alternate between calling me “Dad”
and calling me “kid.” I was embarrassed to say so, but I
loved it when you did. You were so sad
sometimes, and so nervous when we talked about ***
or our bodies. I didn’t have time to tell you
I could have moved you in a way you weren’t used to,
that the things you were embarrassed by were
okay with me. I wouldn't let you talk about death. So we
talked about Leonard Cohen instead.

And I keep wondering if your wife saw the same
tear stains I saw on the back of your shirt
before I got out of the car. I wonder what you
told her. Does she know the part about love?

I’m tallying the days
How many more
Until I see you again
But I don’t know what I’m counting for
I wrote you a note
I hid it in plain sight
It’s been waiting for awhile
Hidden away from the light
I know you led me on
Before you saw my left hand
Many months have passed
And these feelings still stand
I never saw your ring
I guess that’s no excuse
I’m about to be married
But your eyes made me an offer my heart could not refuse

I can’t read these signs
Were they ever there
You won’t look me in the eyes
But why do I care
It’s my mind and my heart
They’re tearing me in two
I’m about to be married
Yet my heart skips for you
I know this isn’t easy
These feelings are confusing
But your come and go attitude
Is feeling abusing
So here we are now
Let’s bring this to the end
And happily ever after
We were never even friends

"Why would you do this" she asked looking down
He grabbed her chin and made her look at him in the eye
"Because I love you too much"
She didn't believe it
If you love someone you wouldn't hurt them

I walk a thin line
I teeter to both sides
From the lust I feel towards you
To the potential for love that can't be denied
I know it's inappropriate
The way I talk with you
But you get me so frustrated
And I want to see this through
Then when I tried to pry
I guess it came out wrong
You called me beautiful
Which brought the butterflies along
That's not what I wanted
But I don't know if that's true
And these feelings I have
Must be misconstrued
We're only friends
I can't cross that line
Even if it means
That you'll never be mine