I may have failed,
But I didn't fall.


2015,
I will fail,
But I will not fall.

The year began with promises
Spilled over from the year that past.
Celebrating a passing checkpoint;
Ignorant of the bridge's collapse.
Too late to change and too late to stop
I dove in and I dove fast.
It was stupid to think that
Something like that would really last.

Left beaten and defeated
I tried to continue.
I tried to push but couldn't do.
I dragged on with a spirit diminished.
Thinking back that, had I looked,
Had I looked I could've finished.
And things would be different
I'd be the better instead of the finished.

The rest of the year was no better.
I hung my head low, not exactly in shame
To try and find peace with what had remained.
And retreated to my own mind
To collect what'd been left behind.
While maintaining a facade
Of the one who's unshaken;
Always joking about ****, ****, and baby makin'.

We all have our lows,
And we all have our highs,
And memories we cherish,
And those we despise.
But despite what has happened,
In the year of 2014,
I grew from my struggles.
Even if I struggled to know what that means.

Your mother knows best, always.
2. You will promise to always be friends with people who you will eventually fall out of touch with. It's okay to be okay with this.
3. You will think you've lost a friendship, only to return and realize nothing has changed. Distance doesn't define a friendship.
4. It is okay to do whatever you need to do in order to feel alive. However, it is not okay to be self destructive. There is a fine line.
5. Space is not a bad thing. Sometimes you need to distance yourself in order to see the bigger picture.
6. Ask questions, even if the answer may hurt or embarrass or sadden you. Never allow yourself to be blinded.
7. You are no longer a naive little girl. You are a woman now, and you deserve to be treated like one no matter what. Don't make excuses for the people who make you feel like less.
8. It is okay to be scared. Embrace your fears, because when you do, your life will change for the better.
9. Make time to love and care for yourself. Sleep in, treat yourself to lacy underwear that only you will see, buy an $8 cappuccino even though you're broke.
10. Don't let others tell you what should make you happy. Only you know that, so don't let others guilt you into thinking you should be doing anything differently.
11. Turn off your phone when you need to get things done. If that means turning it off for the whole day, do it. You won't be missing out on anything, I promise.
12. Don't put up with people who make you feel like you are lesser than them. It's okay to walk away, without explanation.
13. Invest in a good pair of jeans, a high quality mascara, a bright red lipstick, and a push up bra. All of these will make you feel **** as hell.
14. Friendships aren't based on distance, time or proximity, but rather how much someone is there for you emotionally, consistently.
15. Sometimes, a night out with the girls is better medicine than anything else. Sometimes, you just need a good nights sleep.
16. You belong to you before you belong to anyone else. Don't let others feel as though they own you, or should come before you.

We sat on his bed as the clock clicked closer to midnight
we had love in our eyes and each other on our lips
he asked for my approval and oh how I loved him more when he cared enough to ask
we laid down on his bed and gave ourselves to each other
we smiled and laughed because we both knew that this was right and that for once in our lives we weren't making a mistake

365 days of laughter
365 days of sorrow
365 days of friendship
365 days of love
365 days of you
2014 was all about you

How you made me who I am today
And I thank the stars tonight
Because there's nothing else I can say
You make me shine bright
Bright as the sun at midday

How you made me your angel
Guarding you every step of the way
Kept the secrets you'd never tell
Kept your cool during hot summers in may
And who caught you whenever you faltered and fell


How you made me a flower
In our own little flower bed
With you as my gardener
I have no fear or dread
I only hope the grass is always greener
So that this love may not go dead

the year opened on two kinds of olympics:
Sochi and selfie.

we spent months looking for
one missing plane
276 missing girls,
and 43 missing students.

from Ukraine to Mexico,
Palestine to Venezuela,
to Ferguson,
the front of the battle lines
were crammed full.

their stories captivated us,
their movements motivated us.

we snapchatted, we vined and instagrammed,
we remembered their names.

Malala Yousafzai
to Mike Brown.
Eric Garner to Ebola.

we made some friends
and some enemies.

and I think,
when I look back,
years from now,
at the year 2014,
the first thing to come to mind will be,
"I was there."

The one person I wanted to spend my New Years Eve with,
Isn't here..
And I wish I had the taste of alcohol on my lips,
Helping me forget all the ****** up things that happened to me this year.
Instead tears stream down my face,
And here I sit alone, thinking about every single ******* problem I have.
I thought today would've been better,
I thought I would've spent it with the one person I wanted to spend it with.
But no instead, I spend another year alone..
Sometimes I think I'm forever alone..
Like I'll never be good enough for anyone, ever.
God, I just hope this new year is better..
Please be better..
Please..