"I've been having trouble sleeping"
I explain.
"I get headaches.
I'm nauseous. I can't eat.
I've lost weight.
A lot of weight."
He nods, still staring at the computer.
"Here hurts"
I point to my rib cage, poking out through my t-shirt.
He glances at me and types some more.
All the while my head is spinning
And I can feel the blood rushing up to my head
then back down again.
I feel weak.
"I think I may need to change my dosage."
"Mhm, mhm."
He nods again.
The printer roars to life.
"Take this twice every morning and once at night. These are for the headaches, don't take more than one every 8 hours, and only when necessary. Take this before bed, it should help with the - "
And then, just as he held up the fourth piece of paper,
I saw the carpeted floor rush up to meet me.
And just like that,
I was gone.
And the worst of it all,
is that I did this to myself.
And he knew it.

if pretty people
can be this miserable,
I can only imagine
how broken up
the uglies must be.
I am so sorry
that we live so
differently.

I'm sorry for writing a mean poem about you when I was mad.

You stupid girl.
What did you expect?

those wretched words you said to me
the twisted approach you took
how innocently you tore me apart,
limb by throbbing limb.
with every word, I nearly shattered.
the aches that came from within
were close to unbearable, as I felt my insides
falling out.
crushed by the weight of every sentence,
suffering and gasping for air, beneath the
elephant sitting on my chest
I crippled and cringed.
I couldn't bare to look
as you poured your mind onto the table,
and watched me drown.

I searched and snatched for any inch
of sanity I could find and finally
I took hold of my soul and held on for dear life.
The waves of brutality rushing over me
every time you opened your mouth
were not enough to weaken me.
I found my legs and stood taller than you,
and I picked my heart up off the floor and
trapped it behind my rib cage.
Inhaling and expanding, I am still breathing.
You will not break me.

All the times you roll over in the middle of the night and whisper the sweetest words I'll ever listen to.
The waking-up smirks, yawns, and hand-holding.
The scent of your plaid shirts draped over my shoulders on all the walks back from the ice cream parlour.
Each beer can that was tossed away, and clammered onto the kitchen floor.
I have bad aim.
The growing pile of shared space and objects and gifts, exchanged for no reason at all, other than our love, also shared.
The time I fell asleep with my finger in between your lips, comforted by the closeness that one finger had with your heart.
The hours spent driving to and from and circling seemingly endless parking lots.
The cigarettes shared, second-hand while holding hands.
The second glances,
"what" "what?"
"nothing, I just love you so much."

Running freely through an
open field of daisies
She leaped and rose and soared
and she flew.
Outstretched arms that grew into wings,
she ****** every last bit of gas
from those stars in the night sky.
She was finally alive.
And suddenly, as she inhaled her last fiery breath,
she crashed.
Falling heavily, suddenly, faster than she had ever risen,
she fell through the clouds that she once had danced with.
And as she saw the daisies falling with her,
she collided with the depths of Hell.