I Hate Your Answers
When They Are
Everything
I Really Want To Hear

it's just a flame
playing at my feet

smoke curling
around my ankles

the lace
is the first to change
into the guileless grey
it's hard
for him to look away

orange
grey
red
wisps
and fingers
wrapping around my calves
to my thighs
consuming
me
stripping
me

burning
against the tree
his hands
once held me to
wishing
i could move
i should have left sooner

all the watches
and all the clocks
fall at his heavy feet
his eyes
like the ocean
blue
and still
drift
in the shadows

please drown me

wear me
like a sweater
close to your heart

i want to hear
its falling echo
and feel the coolness
radiating
from your skin
feel your fingers
curling at the sleeves
when it rains

wear me
like a sweater
so i can hear
the rush of your pulse
in my ear

you keep trying
to pin the clouds
to my eyes
when you plait the trees
into my hair

i want it enough
to fade away
and become a shadow

what do you mean
by telling me
that you want me?

take me
like the breeze
tumbling from the leaves
carressing my skin

describe my hair
like falling
rivers
down my back
in the summer

what do you mean
by telling me
that you want me

take me
like the wind
fierce and hard
slamming
waves
against the aching shore

my eyes
like a storm
tell me
that they're hypnotizing

what do you mean
by telling me that
you want me
when all i can do
is slip through your fingers
like rain?

please
press your fingers
together
and stop letting me go

have you ever been
so indecisive
that your entire body has ached
like the torn pages
you keep mounted
in every diary
with every question's
billion answers?

i hold
something heavy
and cool
against his head

his eyes covered
with satin
disillusionment

spinning
click
and stop

words
burning
my fingertips
unspoken
like bullets
whole
and warm
pressed with my fingerprints
in the chamber

shaking
wrists
trembling lips

i take it
away
because i can't say
it

he was like a suicide
falling apart
at my wrist

he wrote me a letter
that was shaped
like a swan
and i held it to my lips
before i pressed it
between the pages
of my favourite book

it keeps turning everything
into feathers
that chase my soul
from the ceiling
colliding softly
with each other

i make a list about you
when ever i'm
unsure

it's designed
to make me
see
it's designed
to make me
love you less

but all i do
is fall
and love you more

you are everything
that i cannot count
on my fingers

what makes my love
so unutterable
and your want
so un-doable?

warm fingers
tracing
the constellations
across my skin

hesitation
hangs in the space
between us

i stop
the words
from falling
while you stop
your hands
from pinning
my wrists above me

I will lead you on
Without even realizing it
And by then
It will be too late
To do anything

"Give me a kiss"
"Give me a song"

"Why won't you
Write me
A poem?"

"Just tell me!"
"I have never been
So ******* angry."

"Give me something!"

I love you. I love you. I love you.
I want you. I want you. I want you.

But I can't let you know.

smother me
with the sadness
in your eyes

grey and heavy
like the words
i can't stop
from falling out

feathers
hide in my lungs
bright scarlet
and i
can't let them come out
and reassure you

the sunlight fell over your skin
and seared my mind
with the imprint
of your enlightened
beauty

scar me
again
with the blade
of your lips
against my neck

i keep all of my memories
and secrets
of you
in a faceted
shattered
glass vessel
held close
to my falling heart

i dare not tell anyone
i dare not write them down
but they're slipping away
merging with my dreams
and i don't know
what i can do
to make them stay

I can't find the words
To describe what you have done to me,
But you have broken me
And I feel like a ruined
Page
In every unending love story

he watched her
trying to say the three words
that belonged to him
but she couldn't

she had eyes that could drown a man
eyes beautiful
and sad
burnt from staring at the stars
for too long

they couldn't look away
the ones that followed her
into the deepest depths
of all the shallow seas

she had lips that were red
and full
leaving them mesmerized
by the begging
that they presumed
weighed down her softly
spoken words

they would open the dictionary
of their mother-tongue
to see what she had to say
and it made her sad
and beautiful
at the same time

Come listen to the song i wrote for you
The one with no music

It doesn't rhyme
At all
Until it gets to the part where we fall
And there's no repetition

Words that come tumbling
Over and
Over
Again
Like a chorus
Are the same
With different definitions
And you can't tell
Because you only look at the dictionary
Once
Thinking its enough

Its not
There are a thousand definitions
Words that
Keep changing
And if they can
Then so can I

Listen to the song again
Slower
And hear the whisper
'Don't stay'
Add the please
Replace the don't

I want you to leave

i write letters to you
sometimes
with the stars
do you see?

i write letters to you
in the winter
with the trees
bared of their leaves
brown-black
against the white sky
do you see?

i write letters to you
ink against my skin
a tattoo against the curve of my neck
do you see?

i write letters to you
in every poem
there is at least a line
that is meant
for only you
do you see?

i write letters to you
and keep them in crumbling
books
on dusty shelves
mixing
with someone else's words
do you see?

i write letters to you
in books bound
by synthetic leather
shoved in the second drawer
beneath my mirror
do you see?

i write letters to you
and i leave them
in their envelopes
to be mailed into the fire
do you see?

i want you to read all of these parts
of me
with ash
graying
your calloused fingers

I want to be awoken
By a dream
At two in the morning
And miss him
So hard
That my entire
Body aches

I want to see him
In the street
Plagued by illusions
Over and over
Until I start to lose my mind

I want to write him love letters
That I send
Or keep in a box
Always ending in
‘I love you’

I want to cry
At the sound of his voice
When he can’t stand being apart from me
And I want to cry again
When he hangs up
(He can’t bare to hear
The sound of my voice)

I want to ponder life
With
And without him
At the edge of a cliff
As I walk into the tide

I want to love him
Forever
And jump
When you touch me
In a way he used to

I want to write poems about him
And read all the letters he sent me
When we were happy
And when we were sad
And when he was angry
And try find the secret
That was screamed
At the both of us
That made everything
Not enough

I want to feel his feelings
Across a room
And leave because it hurts too much to stay

I want to learn
About him
And people
But mostly about me
When he’s gone

I want my heart to be broken
By a love
That really matters

You're weeping
As you play the music
You wrote
Beside the lake
In the dirt

Streams of water
Like rivers
Fall across your skin
Leaving fading scars
Like the notes
In the air

I can't decide
If you are heartbreaking
Or if it the music

my god

what

i don't

know

anyone

by

that name

he's in the sky

block my ears

he's in the sea

tired of your lies

he's in me

he's in you

you can't make up

your mind

can you?

evil

good

afraid

brave

you only know

the words

that seem to
make sense

but never do

If I were yours
I would have to stay awake
Until six in the morning
Wondering where you are

If I were yours
I would have to pretend to be asleep
When you finally got in
Stumbling
And stained with smoke
Perfume
And bruises

If I were yours
I would wear your favourite colour
And the clothes you like
And the perfume
That makes you
Lose your mind

If I were yours
I would let you full my ears
With your honesty
And your lies
Discerning the two
Pretending I don't
Until you were at ease

If I were yours
I would do
What ever you asked
Reading your eyes
Right and wrong
Aren't black
And white
Anymore
But grey

If I were yours
You would have me
Every night
Whichever way
You like me best

If I were yours
My words would
Just be for you
And the only lines
Leaking from my fingertips
Would be love poetry
About you

If I were yours
I would listen to all of your music
Even though I would hate it
(I don't like songs
That rhyme
Too often
And
Too much)

If I were yours
I would forget how the rain
Feels on my skin
Because you would tell me
To stay indoors
And my love
For the sky
Would slip away
Until I would call your eyes
The sky
And the rest of you the ocean

If I were yours
I would forget me
And you would forget me
I would become
Your perfection
Encased in the mirror
Behind the door
The one you dream of
Standing beside you

And you still
Wouldn't only be
Mine

How many times
Do I have to tell you?

Angry
His eyes black
Like the ocean
Turned into ink

Words
Low
And measured
The type of tone
That makes me want to run

You are mine

You are wrong

Pale blue
Like the rain
In spring

Words
Soft
And low
Shakespeare
Says
It's an excellent thing
In a woman

I wish
Everyday
That he wasn't wrong
But he is
And so are you

I love you too much
To be yours

it would be easier
if i had one favourite colour
but i don't
i have seven

it would be easier
if i could put
mixed flowers
and colours
in my house
but i can't
i only want one type
at a time

it would be easier
if i had a favourite
type of tea
but i like them most
at different times

it would be easier
if i could finish
more than a glass of wine
before my head
starts to become fuzzy
but i can barely drink half
i hope it's just the size of the glass

it would be easier
if what i said
were always true
and my mind
would never change
but it always does
leaving a messy pile
of what looks like masks
and broken hearts
behind me

it would be easier
if i could fall in love
with more than just him
but i can't
unless you count the sky
and the ocean

it would be easier
if i could concentrate
through a whole film
or listen to exactly
what you're saying
when you're gossiping
but the night sky in the window
and that crack
in the wall behind you
looks so much more interesting

it would be easier
if i was okay
when you mixed my foods
and if i couldn't imagine
the dna of ones' past
conciousness
staining my pots and pans
but i'm not
and i always do