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After meeting you,
I wonder how much I've changed.
 Jul 2016 Julija Ilich
Here I go again believing I'm not a broken man
My voice falls on deaf ears
I want to hear what I haven't heard in 4 years
I want to abandon hope, because hope is what's leaving me hurt the most
Maybe to feel nothing and lonely is the life meant for me

I was foolish to think that I could be anything but alone
Getting lifted up only to be put down
Believing I could get lured by someone else to happiness is a belief only justified by faith
And though I want to seclude myself and be invisible at my own will
The will of the world says I shall remain the way I am now;
Screaming and shouting to be seen and heard
But ultimately cast aside destined to be forgotten
Yet one has to be remembered in order to be forgotten.
 Jul 2016 Julija Ilich
Julia Mae
i will find
peace and solitary
somewhere, sometime
inside of this mind
just right now
is not my time
nor any of the right
kinds of love
that have kept me awake these nights
i will find
and it will be here
and it will be tangible
and it is so very near
but i need to learn
to love, first
and it will be
so beautifully heart wrenching
With a pen to a paper,
Like a sword to a foe,
I write poetry,
And present it to the world,
Like a present with a bow.
Letting the words
fill my paper.
Watching them take flight
Like many birds
drifting across updrafts in the wind.
And I will send
Them like a "get well" card
To every person who needs a friend.
Poetry is a healing process.
A coping system
A cure
A medicine for those in need.
Poetry is a dream
In which you don't
Have to scream
Unless you want to.
A dream that you control,
A beam that you can hold,
A story yet untold,
Perfectly crafted jewel,
With scripture writ in gold.
You don’t know me.

I’m different than others.
I’m childish,
A demon,
An angel,

I’m a person who likes being in the background.
I’m a person who enjoys the color black.
I’m a person who can find meaning in everything.
I’m a person who doesn’t care about anything.

An angel,
A demon,
I’m childish,
I’m different than others.

You don’t know me,
And I will enjoy being a mystery.

A MYSTERY you will…
Mysteries are always fun to try and solve.
 Sep 2015 Julija Ilich
she cried to me last night
i watched
i wished i could hug her tight
get her rid of her plight
i didn't

i watched her cry all day
it hurt
it wasn't that I had a say
seems gloom was at bay
i ran

she is, but it is a blur
i am numb
i distract myself from her
she hurts and i concur

​​she held the gun to her head
i shatter
in the mirror, i have bled
smiles at me with lips so red
i shoot her instead

i fear the dark & the fights
i cry
i can't cope with lonely nights
i rather be with her at sight
our double lives just excites
The princess has her lovers,
A score of knights has she,
And each can sing a madrigal,
And praise her gracefully.

But Love that is so bitter
Hath put within her heart
A longing for the scornful knight
Who silent stands apart.

And tho’ the others praise and plead,
She maketh no reply,
Yet for a single word from him,
I ween that she would die.
 Sep 2015 Julija Ilich
If there's one thing I've learned,
It's that love is real
And it does exist.
And you have no idea
What it is like
Until you're over your head in it.
And there's never really a specific moment
In which you fall in love with someone.
After a while, you just realize that
The way they squeal a little
When they laugh to hard,
Or how they jump out from behind a corner and scare you
And laugh hysterically because you screamed,
Even though they knew you would.
Or how their heartbeat sounds when they're holding you in your arms,
Are things that you can't imagine ever living without.

And if you ever felt that way with with another person,
It just wouldn't feel right.

And I love you.
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