I preached the name
that I made vain.
I lived against
what I spoke for.
Now every choice
leaves a biased blame
that questions my core.

How can I live
to know I was fake?
How can I speak
when I know it's too late?
I tended my thoughts
with my own escape,
and looked as the light
darkened in my dismay.

I loose my grip
to the hope i created.
It's a lost feeling
when I know it was
anticipated.

So in this state of knowing
I'm just a failure,
I need to accept
I need a savior.
Just too many times
I became my own
traitor.

Lord please,

lead my choices
to purify my stains.
So I won't just live
to walk in vain.

Forgive me world,
for my selfishness.
Forgive me Lord,
please direct my
selflessness.

I heard it a hundred times already
but you whispered it just once.
If the dead rose pedal speaks of memories,
then when did our pigment fade?
A tragedy to my choices.
A love, for voices.
Gathered from an innocence,
such danger crept past.
To think I was the lesson
but the lesson fades
with the withering rose.
I forgot the water, when your tears dried up.
So ****,
this again.
A new time to be tended, i borrow.
With new flames to burn, tomorrow.
You whispered just once,
but the rose never lies.

To the mind that was mine, you would deny
These soft breezes that speak of my essence,
That alive am I when i choose to die.

I see how simple my thoughts did multiply.
To control my rue, and ignore the lessons.
And, of the mind that was mine, it did deny.

I observe, through the silence, fear's disguise.
Behind the shadows, behind the blessings.
So, alive am I when i choose to die.

I see how big my mistakes did magnify.
A brand to my heart, an endless impression.
But, in the mind that was mine, it did deny.

I observe, through the roaring, peace arrive.
In the fog it glistens, my protection.
Yes, alive am I when i choose to die.

In Your grave I lay, in me You will rise.
I hear You when the breeze whispers heaven.
To the mind that was mine, you would deny.
But, alive am I when i choose to die.

I remember as a kid,
I would have to walk everywhere i went
because my mom didn't have a car.
I didn't care though
because i didn't know how much
easier it could be to just drive.

Or on my 5th birthday all i got
was some underwear
because my mom couldn't afford anything else
and she knew i needed them.
I didn't care though
because i didn't know that a normal kid
was supposed to get a bunch of cool toys.

Or when every single one of my shoes
had holes in the bottom
because my mom didn't have money
to buy me knew ones.
I didn't care though
because i just thought I was supposed to wear them
till I couldn't anymore.

Or when I had to wait until soup kitchen days to eat
because my mom couldn't afford
groceries for the week.
I didn't care though
because i thought they made the best food.

And I remember as a kid,
Growing up without a dad
and not understanding why.
It didn't bother me though,
Because I thought my mom was all i needed.

It's funny how time changes things.
12 years having a step-father and being blessed beyond belief.
But now i look at myself...
How i'm too lazy,
to walk a few blocks anymore.
Or too greedy,
to accept some birthday ****** anymore.
Or too trendy,
to wear my shoes to the grave anymore.
Or too picky,
to eat the soup kitchen specials anymore.
Or too selfish,
To tell my mom I love her anymore.

I lost my simple mind.
Trying to fit in by being however
normal non-impoverished kids would be
But then i lost myself,

And forgot...

Who i remembered.