you carry your past on your shoulders
and never understand why people ask
why you no longer smile like you used to

Pull me like a string,
watch as I disintegrate
under your touch
Try and put my pieces back together,
get angry when they
no longer fall where you want
Tell me you love me,
turn your back and leave
without a word
I can still feel the stitches of your touch,
serving as a constant reminder
that for you,
*I could never be enough

I saw you in my dreams again
the first time in months
I guess my dreams no longer know you like I do
They still crave your presence
and welcome your smile
Back when your arms never felt hollow
before our smiles faded
and promises became harder to follow
My dreams no longer acknowledge that world
they have chosen to forgive you
because I never could
All along I just needed to
forgive myself
So I no longer blame you
for the things that could not be changed
I'll bite my lip and never speak these words
and instead,
**I will see you in my dreams.

Write me a book,
Call it:
"All the Ways I Was Unable to Love You."
List the reasons
why it was all my fault
Tell them about
the impossible pedestal
you placed me on
Describe the way my hands shook
trying to put your pieces
back together,
and how I no longer knew
whose hands were bleeding
I never wanted to change you,
I just wanted to be enough
to fill your emptiness
But the the void became to deafening,
and with your brokenness suffocating me,
I used my last breath to say
"Im sorry."

*-I was always sorry for your mistakes