blood in my hair
can't really remember
what yr face looks like
makes me sad
but i can't really feel it, y'know?
i love yr sick veins
i hear yr heartbeat in my brain
wish i could feel it
i wish i could feel something at all

yr parasitic brain
doesn't understand things
without a beating heart
if there's a life to steal
you'll **** it away
but i can't blame you
you were born to destroy
anything with a pulse
including yourself
i'm not stupid
i see the teeth marks on yr thighs
have you got any more spine?
any more nerve to **** me?
i don't try to stop you
i hate the feeling of being alive too

i will live and die alone
the thought stabs me in the
chest

repeatedly

it punctures my jugular
and i bleed out on your carpet

i got too high again

bathed myself in bleach
and scrubbed my skin with rubbing alcohol
when i light myself on fire
i feel somewhat better
and i have swept the kitchen floor a lot
almost obsessively
but when i walk around i still feel dirt on the bottom of my feet
i am surprised i still have the ability to feel anything
i tried drinking gasoline and licking flames
like megan fox in jennifer's body but
i am a freak and a coward so things didn't work out
still, i am used to disappointment
and i am used to hating myself

feel it heavy as it presses down on my heart
and handcuffs me to the bed
my brain is filled with glycerine and
old cooking oil
my brain is fried.
thoughts of addiction riddle me in my sleep
i don't feel safe in my own body
trapped here, i live by a clock
i go by what time i need to eat
eat, ****, sleep
eat, ****, sleep
eat, ****, sleep, cry

my eyelids are heavy with fatigue,
blinking away oceans is tiring
blink and a car horn beeps and the moon bends over backwards and
angels ascend from the sky
swans swim down rivers
and in lakes and in your head
just breathe and blink and the world will keep spinning
or at least it'll try

you believe i am the artist
i am just a dumb baby with an anchor for a mouth
it drags me down
to the bottom of the ocean
i can't get myself out

i tried my best
but your tears drip like wax
on my t shirt
i know no matter what i do
you stay melancholy and molasses
i still let you cry
and ruin everything i own
i don't know why i don't just try to let you go
i'm the happiest person alive when i'm with you

giant beasts point down at us from the sky
and they laugh
silly humans, love is a made up thing
a fairytale for little kids
no matter how unkind

part of my soul detaches
and gives itself to you
you didn't ask permission
to split me in two
i feel myself getting emptier each day

i love you more than youll ever know
crying on the front lawn
thinking of your
wrist bone
i break again and again inside
will you come lay behind my ribs and keep me safe?
soothe the ache
of heartbreak
even though youre right there
7 minutes away
the last day i had you was our official one month anniversary
how sad is that?
i'm a ghost to the world again
filled with the guilt of an entire family
i wanted so badly to protect you
your name feels like lilacs on my tongue
and every license plate says 27
i don't want to be gone from you it kills me
can you read between the lines?
without you i'm paralyzed
if i lose you i lose a life

intimate, angry, serene.
i could be softer.
softer softer softest.

i'm being swallowed by guilt and fear and self loathing
the burden of lives i haven't even lived
i try to escape my thoughts by smoking until my face falls off
but i know in 9 days
my head will spin and collapse
and thinking about introducing myself
transforms my insides into cherry blossoms and molten lava
social anxiety
turns my face into a bouquet of flowers
have you felt what its like to walk into a gigantic building you don't know
and its full of strangers
my face lights on fire and fireworks shoot from my eyes
i write ******* nonsense and the people in my life waste their time thinking i'll grow into something better
i deserve to feel lonely all the time

things around me change &
i stay the same
whimpering like a coward
tied down with rusted chains

i can't hate something that doesn't belong to me

heart aches for something stronger
a bond, never broken
filled with flesh, blood, and ****
leech off each other till one of us dies
don't know who will get sicker first

i am a ******* hole
swallowing up the oceans, moon, and sun
if i had drugs i'd use them, doesn't matter what kind
if i had alcohol i'd drink myself to death on the first try

when the wolf spoke
the world dropped dead
all of the sheep sharpened their teeth
and prepared to fight
but the wolf cried help instead
hunger in his voice
not for flesh, but affection
he spends his days in solitude
god help the sheep who falls in love
for the wolf will disappear again

i dont really write anymore
just get stuck in old memories and songs
sneak cigarettes out on the back porch
and sometimes my body bleeds
like it did before
when youve done things thousands of times
youre immune to deja vu
it becomes something different
something tasteless and numb
and at sixteen ive realized my life will only ever be cycles
completely out of my control