No matter how many times
the voice in my head comes up
with reasons to leave
my heart whispers
“Stay. Don’t give up.”

the walls are up—
you can feel them. your
fingers
graze at their temperament.

ouch, you caught a nick.
so your blood begins to
tric
       kle

and you watch
as your feet begin to
turn that shade of red.
they leave

tracks
as you pace,
you scream,
THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED! but

what did you want, my dear?
i’m afraid
those walls
didn’t build

themselves.

Can I be both
the center and
the ray

the middle
and the outskirts

and is this longing why
it hurts so much

and why you asked me
to expand?

Everything that comes up eventually comes down.
That's normal, isn't it. But 
I want to feel weightless.
I want to feel free and float around,
Move around by my own means.
Gliding around trees
and
gazing at the sky.
Instead of crumpled in my bed.
And stuck in my head.

Those involuntary thoughts of hurting yourself,
to cut yourself,
to tear your body to pieces.
To cry without restraint.
To scream so hard your voice breaks.
To break into chunks of fat and mold,
colliding onto the floor.
To dissolve in the ocean,
To self-combust;
To be born again and whole.