After one month together
You came up with an idea
“Let’s test our love for each other”
I thought, “Why not?”

It started with whimsical ways
You loved the way I laughed in the morning
I loved when you held me tighter when we cuddle
Then we went onto appearances

Oh I love the colors of your irises
Blue and green like the aura borealis
But they were dancing along to a somber song
Rather than a happy one

I brought it up
But you said literally nothing
Which says more than “nothing”
We got into a fight

The snow seemed to melt
From our heated discussion
I left
To let things cool

You stopped responding
To my messages
So I drove back
And opened the door

To the sound of our dog barking
I followed him
To the sunroom
With the vast windows

And there I saw you
Hanging lifeless
From the elegant maple
“What have I done?”

I dashed to you
A layer of fresh snow
Settled on your head
Under you was a note

Carved into the trunk
“I LOVED YOU THE MOST”
To this day
I’m still haunted

In that moment, I realized
That’s what happens
When you assign values
To something that cannot be measured

When I was young,
I thought love was stupid.

Why attach yourself to someone with such,
aggression,
adulation,
addiction?

Someone gifted me attention,
though,
and I fell in this love.

I’m still not certain whether I was in love,
with you,
or the words you said.

But I was in the worst sort,
of love.

They didn’t love me in return,
I tried to convince myself that was fine,
I don’t need to be in love,
That’s when I learned.

I learned why love poems exist,
They aren’t for the lover,
No one wishes that type of embarrassment.

They’re for the author,
Because no one will ever know,
What your love feels like.

Except for you,
Only you.