I know the lingerie is meant to be taken off, but
my nakedness makes my eyes dart quick and
count every hair on my skin.
picking scabs turns into scars that
I have yet to tell you about.
without permission, I close my eyes
as you love me in the dark and
I wonder if you’re counting too.

they come in the night
whispering, crackling voices
in my mind
hissing, cracking through the surface
when out are the lights
they come in shapes and sizes
and voodoo dance before my eyes
cackling, lurking
in my mind.
they come in the night.

tonight i am plagued
with self doubt
and anxiety

i want to exist
quietly
gently
for you

with you

but love's become
an impossibility

life's become
an impossibility

because of me.

because of me.

tell me how
the most broken
beaten down
torn up
stripped to the flesh
people

could ever get back up
brush off the dirt
and carry on
like nothing ever
happened.

I am under the ocean and
I can barely breath
I'm drowning from emotions
that are overtaking me
I need some air now
I need to breath
I need to get out of the water surrounding me
My eyes are burning
I can barely see
My skin is wrinkled
I can't feel a thing
Waves come to push me away
I'm keep trying to move forward
But I’m moving the wrong way
A part of me that wants quit swimming
Then I fall and see blue glistening

I write, deep ache inside.
I cry, not knowing why.
I sleep, one more pill.
I drink, just want a thrill.
I read, not to feel alone.
I eat, not to reach my bones.
I dream, fed up of my life.
I quit, one more time.
I smoke, feet leave the ground.
I fly, elevated mind resounds.
I apologize, failed again.
I fall, wish to be dead.