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 Aug 2019 soft
3
this feeling is not
symbiotic: you reduce
my core to nothing
at least i am something (ashes) and at least you are happy
i am molded symbiose!
m.b.d forever
 Aug 2019 soft
Thoughtsonpaper
“This is my last time”,
I said 4 times ago
As I paint my brittle fingernails
Red with blood
Somethings deeply wrong with me
 Aug 2019 soft
winter child
In case no one gets it,
i collect my excerpts
better
than i spell my prayer.
Spills my personal feelings
and trouble,
longer than i bow
on my knees.

i memorize every shame
and quote it
in a piece of paper,
the same stroke
they did to break
my bones.
Marks down
every of their tone
when i got yelled at,
being degraded.

In case no one gets it,
i use my fingertips to fight.
Being sure of my words,
but never myself.

They can take off my guts,
break down my sanity
into pieces of insecurity.
Yet i’m here to remain bold
until the last spill of ink,
and my pen
can no longer stand.
the battle is in my head

(w.c)
 Aug 2019 soft
mike
it was raining
and I wanted the window open
I missed you with every drop

I was a dripping faucet to the rain
you would be asleep by now

peace never made me tired
watching your rain sleep
the smile creeping into your face
happy that the soundtrack
is real

the air buzzed when I heard it start
it felt like a warm embrace
on cold skin
my warm arms
that you let in
 Aug 2019 soft
Rup
I know
 Aug 2019 soft
Rup
I try to show love,
But people don't see.
I try to be strong,
But I am weak.
I try to be there,
But I fall on the way.
I want to be happy
But inside I am sad.
I want to live,
But inside I feel dead.
I look in the mirror,
But the reflections not me.
I see a face
But know its not mine
I cry to myself,
But know I must stop.
I have so much to live for
But losing is my fear.
I know it will get better,
But I just have to wait.
I know, I know, I know.
 Jul 2019 soft
Zia
i prayed for sunshine
but all i got were storms
were i patient enough
i’d have seen the rainbow
 Jul 2019 soft
Swells
daisies
 Jul 2019 soft
Swells
the bones were hard to give up,
they pushed out like daisies
caressed under the hounding
heart of a copper sun.
unbridled and undried they bore
zealous arrogance of themselves,
petals dripping ****** convictions
and vibrating like awful angels.

under cruel devices they tried to
soften my bones and mold thick skull
constructed of lackluster candles
on their last flame.
days passed like doctors and white nurses
examining old wires that pray tell
the routines, the stools, the teeth.
i am their Jesus, their Lazarus.

my hearse, my sheep keeper,
my pretty things,
i become the acrobat at the
finale, the last supper,
supplementing at the **** of my
recovery. i lay my skin down for all
of you to see:  here is my breast!
my toad belly!  my glass feet!
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