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I'm not getting better
In fact,
I'm getting so much worse.
Everything is falling down
The tall pillars are crumbling down
All around my broken body
The doctors keep telling me
I'm cutting too deep
Eating too little
Purging too much.
But I can't stop.
Because you see,
The voices are getting louder
I can't ignore them
I can't block out my own thoughts,
Even though they're killing me.
I see things that aren't even there.
Can't you see I'm insane?
Or do you just choose to look away
And lie to yourself, saying,
"Oh, she's getting better."
Just so you can get a good nights sleep?
While I kiss the razor's sparkling blade.
You're watching me turn to ashes,
I know it won't be long,
Till I'm blown away.
My pulse is fading
My breathing is jagged
My mind is broken
But then again,
Once I'm gone,
You won't have to lose any more sleep.
So don't worry about me.
It won't be long
Until I leave you alone.
 May 2014 first last
amber
heavenly wrist
drips from its core
sleeping but renewed
once it starts to pour

heavenly wrist
i love the lace
around and around
your wrist I chased

heavenly wrist
what is this new colour?
and what was that
sudden shudder?

heavenly wrist
did something go wrong?
did the drips from the core
last for too long?

heavenly wrist
veins no longer show
blood has stopped
it's heavenly flow

heavenly wrist
heavenly wrist
why did it
end up like this?
A thread and it's needle
Bobbing up and down
In silent unison
My flesh is the fabric
Each seam pulled taunt
With intricate ruby rivers
Cascading down
Journal Entry 12/08/2013
 May 2014 first last
Alexandra M
My only company was the girl behind the glass
But as my veins start to fill with regret
The reflection in the mirror is harder to face
And the flaws on my skin surface on my silhouette

I sink to the ground and put my head on my knees
My last shaky breath parts my lips
And the salty demons fall from my eyes
Deeper I fall into my unwanted eclipse

I paint this picture not to mistake pain for beauty
This isn't my plea for help to feel
Nor my attempt to romanticize sadness
But I refuse to deny this feeling because it is raw and my God it is real

This is just an explosion of emotions
And I don't know which one to believe
Do I stand here and curse what I have become
Or do I let myself simply grieve
 May 2014 first last
Aoife Teese
i just wish i could feel something

i am so lonely
at least i'm happy when i'm drunk
 May 2014 first last
Justin B
My heart is clear and my plan is simple.
I will work for 40 years
in a job I may like.
Acquaint myself with worldly individuals
who will share stories of
love
fear
hope
and
pain.
I will acquire a disease
for the transgressions of my bygone times.
I will lay in my death bed, grasping for air, and only succeeding with the help of modern technology.
And I will close my eyes
and reminisce of the few hours at your house
that one summer afternoon
when our favorite movies were watched
when our most cherished songs were played
and when my favorite version of you laid your head on my shoulder.
Then
and only then
will I accept my fate.
I still don't have the courage to tell you we belong together.
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