"You've got to bring in more money.
It is the only way, I see out of this! "
"I am going as fast as I can!"
"When is your practice going to pay?!"
"I am still setting it up.
It takes time.
You know we have run into road blocks.
And are working through them.
We are making progress!"
"When will the dough roll in?!
You are paying for internet
You are paying for a website
You are paying for a scheduler
That collects funds, service.
But it is not collecting!
You've got your masters!
When is it going to come together?
I just see my money going down, down down."
"Hum, I see
It feels like it is the money you want
It is more important to you.
It is your money! It is not ours!
It is about you! Not about us!
You don't even want to work together
To make it an "us" in our marriage!"
"I just don't hear you saying that you will bring money in.
You're a healer... when will it pay?"
"Yes, it is about money.
It feels like you just want the money for yourself!"
"No, it isn't.
What do you need?"
"A place to bring clients.
A reasonably priced office."
"Will a office at home do?
It needs to be place available to the clients
More than just spring, summer and fall. "
"The clients need to come and go with confidentiality.
You can't ask me about who they are and why there are here. "
"And you have this secret life, I know nothing about!"
"It is the ethics counselors and healer's follow.
The clients have needs. It must be like this:
1) You're not to see them coming or going, they need privacy to come and go.
2) They need to trust that their very personal lives are just that, very personal.
3) We would need to coordinate together; keep a calendar in our room, so we both know when clients are coming and going.
Plus, I need you to trust how funds are managed to keep the business flowing; what portion is promised for the household."
"How about just working online?"
"I like that and prefer it.
Yet it brings up back to the same question, funds
And working together managing and coordinating.
Creating quiet times, while the clients are online.
No questions about the clients can be asked.
My profession is not like a regular profession
Where a worker comes home to share the details of the day.
with their partner over an evening dinner."
"It will still require funds to maintain the online presence
Created over the past six months with blogs, writing, photos, videos....
What is needed is advertising with the 'Golden Triangle.'"
"What's the "Golden Triangle?"
Oh, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter..."
"Are you willing to work together financially, so this can happen?"
(One, put on a sad and sullen face).
"You can make jewelry!
You can sale your photos!
I can build planter boxes.
We can sale them at farmer's market."
"Yes, that will be delightful.
Again you are talking about money for supplies.
I can make jewelry, at night, on the side.
While we talk and spend our nights together.
It is my hobby. How I unwind.
I like making jewelry, crocheting and gardening .
I will even crochet hand and kitchen towels too.
And even, grow some healing herbs
To make healing blends for common ailments to sale.
Yes, there is a lot we can create to sale at Farmer's Market.
I can even give out brochures for what I love doing best
Healing, counseling and supporting others
As they engage to improve the quality of their lives.
Yes, you see, I am willing to work."
"Yet, what I am not willing to do is
Live in a never ending cycle of debt!
Continuing to live beyond our means.
I want to clean up our finances
I want us each to seriously work together.
I want to have a healthy flowing budget
That we create together and use
To create the life we desire."
"Are there things we can let go of?
What steps can we take to get this monster
Out from between us?
What can we cut down on?
What is really necessary keep during this adjustment?
The cell phone?
Purchasing wood and building supplies?"
"Not my cell phone
That is how I talk to my kids.
Also I take it with us when we go somewhere."
"What can we adjust?
What about yarn, groceries? Coffee, tobacco, alcohol, snack foods...?
How much gas? How much propane?
Can you do some of the task you do in the shop
In our home?
What can we cut to get us though these next two months
as we eliminate over charging the master card, paying and over charging again cycle, once and for all!?
How can we roll it back to living within our means?"
"You know, I've cut down on tobacco, coffee, snacks
The only thing I can see if for you to get a job."
"I have applied. We are waiting.
I want to do what I love.
Do what I am good at it.
I know how to make a difference.
How to support
And help others."
"Do you see what we have been doing?
From the start
All I have asked for
Is to live within our means.
The grocery and household funds
Have dwindled and dwindled
To feed the monster
Called "master card bill?"
Please note that we both have given up
Purchasing clothing, obtaining medical and dental care?
I want to stop feeding them!
You know who they are
The "Credit card" and "Line of Credit" monsters!!"
(A very long silence)
"No Thoughts? Take a diatribe!
I hate using credit! I hate using the line of credit!
They are nothing but Banker's scrams !
Created to maneuver and benefit from our implanted desires
For ease and instant gratification!
Padding their wallet's at the "Sheeple's" demise.
All the while laughing and pointing at the Sheeple's ignorance.
Yes, you can use a bar of soap to wash your hair
Yet, I have not shampooed my hair in over a month.
Both of our clothing is becoming thread bare.
I only have two pairs of pants and one pair of leggings!
One bra and stretched out t-shirts, over four years old!
Thank goodness for the two vests
I alternately wear to cover the stains!
Thank goodness thread worn garnets are never seen!
And you want me to apply for a professional job!
Again we are discussing a need to manage our funds!"
Thinking to herself,
("Blah, Blah, Blah deep I don't like when it comes to this").
(Releasing a deep "letting it go" sigh).
"The time for spending your half
Plus my half of the flexible funds is over.
I will not bring a penny into this financial mess
Until we get this monster under control!
I will not work hard to not see anything of it!
To be ill considered.
To be drained of life energy
To feel no more important than the money I can being in!
I will not see us squander our means.
I will not see our funds drained into oblivion...
I don't want to do that!
I want us to work together
As equal partners.
It is my right to be included.
I am part of this partnership too.
It is a matter of being valued, respected, and trusted.
I don't want to miss the the joy of working together
and slay these uncontrolled monsters together!!!
I am asking you to oil the hinges of your wallet!
So that it may open and close widely!
It is time to share the passwords to the accounts.
No more hiding.
It is time to put our skills, together.
When do you want to start?
Because until we each promise to work together
I will not bring a penny into this mess!
You asked what I wanted.
This is it!
This is how I am feeling.
Particularly after four years of being patient
Asking, sharing my needs,
And waiting for you to truly honor
The Bond between us and work together.
You have not been totally forthcoming.
Hedging here and there.
You were right stating that
Finances can get between a husband and wife.
Unless we come together
We will continue to struggle.
The finances will cause our demise.
Diving us, if we do nothing.
What do you say?
What do you want to do about this mess?
Do you want to do this?
Do you want to do this together?
In this piece, "Other" takes back her own power and takes a stand. This process took four years to learn, speak, and rise to her feet. She loves her husband desires to work together and move forward without damaging each other in the process. Yet, she is human and slips into a diatribe, catches herself and pulls back into as much civility that she can muster.
This piece was interesting to write, keeping it real and flowing from the heart. It is a combination of various life experiences put together as one.