I'm in two minds,
One of love and one of hate,
She makes me so mad so angery yet I love her all the more,
She has her rules and god it's a teasing game,
The way she holds me,
The way she leads me astray,
Yet she's isn't the one I'm with,
But she melts my walls with one touch and one word.

The glass is not half empty nor is it half full.
It is not to dark or to light.
I am not happy nor am I sad.
I am not vengeful or even merciful.
I am not angery nor content.
I am not loved or forgoten
I am stuck in the middle,
the one thing i am is annoyed.

you scream at anger at me i return it.
what you do to me i will do to you.
your ******* at me, i am at you.
this is sibling love and i hate it...
i can say what i want to say no matter who is here. i have my own voice and i am not afraid to show it.
you do not own me i am a free woman.
so get F*CKED siblings i am not being in the shadows.
i will scream i will shout until you know i am not a toy to be broken or a force to be reckoned with.
i will stand and i will stride.
for i no longer need to takes orders from an ashle like you who treats people like SHT!
my voice will be the last thing you hear when i am done standing up for me.
your angery. i am angry.
this is sibling love and you know what.... F*CK IT!!!!!!

In my life I have lived many different lives. In these lives I've lived I have met people of many minds, different kinds.
  I've met people of the good kind, I've met people of the bad kind.
  I've met people of the "tall" kind, I've met people of the "short" kind.  I've sat with people of the nice kind, and people of the not so nice kind; people of the "laxed" kind, and people "tight" kind, people of the "big" and "small" kind.
  Of all these kinds, none compare to to one so fair, this kind is rare.
  I've known people of the "sweet" kind, and those of the "sour" kind.  Talked with those of the "high" kind, and helped those of the "low" kind.  I've had times with those of the "up" kind, and been there for those of the "down" kind.
  I've traded ideals with the creative kind.  I've worked with the athletic kind, and I've shared and learned from the smart and wise kinds.
  I've met narrow kinds, wide kinds, stubborn kinds, charming kinds, angery kinds, dark kinds, light kinds, honest kinds, lying kinds, sarcastic kinds, fun kinds, fast kinds, slow kinds, loving kinds, so many kinds! All different minds.
  I befriended many, but still I do not think there are any who compare, to one so rare.
You see This kind, is a kind of its own.  for you my dear, are one of a kind.

“WACHOW” I go, to dummy

Ready for a fight

“KACHOW” I slap the ‘squito

Now no more bug bite

“WACHOW” an angry Bobbo

When enemy’s in sight

“KACHOW” goes angry Bobbo

A happy boi tonight :)

The sound of my destruction
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                           Tick
I know it rest within me
I hear it day and night
Just ticking away
Like the hours on the clock
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                            Tick
It has became annoying
Never ending
I wonder when it will go off
So the pain will disappear
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                            Tick
I wish I had the button
To press it myself
But I noticed everytime I grow angery
Another minute falls off
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                            Tick
Such an aggravating sound indeed
But as I try to write
And hope the words I use
Capture a glimpse of what goes on in my mind
                                                Tick
                                                      Tick
                                                           BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!
The world goes white
Then red
As my blood and flesh
Paint every corner

No more pain
Just more bodies
The bodies of those who have always judged me
This is what you created

And with its detonation
Your death came to be
Ticking was my rage
Ticking was my tolerance
                                                 Tick
                                                       Tick
                                                             Ticking no more

You
You made me feel what it is like,
to be hurt,
to be hurt so bad,
I thought that I was going to die,
You made me feel like I had been stabbed,
I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach
Where you knew that there would be no hope,
no hope for recovery,
or for life.
And you enjoyed it
Enjoyed my pain,
and my suffering

You made me feel what it was like to long,
to long for peace,
to long to see any one but you,
yet long to see you everyday at the same time.

You made me feel what it was like to need,
to need to get away from you,
but also need to be with you.

You were like the sun,
warm and pleasent,
yet cold and out of reach,
I needed you to go on,
but you shined in my eyes blinding me,
blinding me to you motive,
to break my heart,

I was your icicle,
you melted me little my little in the beggining,
but then made me freeze up.

You were the bull,
and I was your matador
I evaded you for a while,
and then tired,
letting my guard down
and you hit me,
you hit me so har
I flew backwards
hitting the fans in the grand stands.
I was dazed for a while,
and then got angery,
I took revenge on you,
but you won again,
I was hurt,
and always will be.

Everything is empty.

The room in my mansion of a mind where I used to keep you, and everything you were to me is empty. It's a cold dark void that echoes the memories whenever I open the door. The smell; no, stench; no, fragrance of you is burned into the floor. Maybe if I lay on my stomach and scratch at the wood I can smell it once more.



The walls are a light brown, the color of your eyes. When I open the curtains and the light shines in, the walls magically turn green, and blue, and yellow and all sorts of browns. But wait, no there is no more curtains blocking out the sun. I shouldn't think of these things. I'm conjuring up the dusty curtains that are rotting in the basement. They are replaced by the wood panels that I nailed into wall, so angery that my fist bled. Because I was not using a hammer, no you took that when you left. I had to compromise and use the hands that you held onto, oh, god no, more happy horrible memories.



I remember you were not holding onto my hands you were letting me tangle mine in yours so that i couldnt get out. All you had to do was slip your hand away to leave. But in order for you to do that, you would have to bend and break my fingers, loosening the vise they made. And thats exactly what you did that night when you were not thinking of me.



When you were thinking of her. When you were building a room in her mansion that was much brighter, bigger, and shinier than mine.  Those nights when we laid in your room, you were slowly packing your things and I didn't notice until the furniture disappeared. I begged you to stay. I begged you to not think of her the way you thought of me. You told me you never in a million years would. You told me you loved me. But you said that to her as well.    



I suppose the room is not empty at all. Physically, it shows me nothing but the remains of our relationship, cold and bordered up; gone. But the memories echo and bounce around the walls and seep from the floors.  The room is empty but the memories fill it up.

Why do I feel so empty
I have what most dream of but I feel hollow
I'm trying to see in to myself it's like looking through a hole for a key
I think it's locked me out sorrow
Because if I don't know what's making me sad
It will only bring more sorrow
It's self presavation and I can't get mad
It's my self that put me in this position
I get so angery to know I hold the key
Me and my inner me are in a Juxtaposition
But the bottom line is its all on me
Cause I'm a result of every thing I've thought
And all I'm thinking is I'm alone
But its something that life had taught ,me
That I am alone
I have been forced to distrust on sight
I must see your true colors in that light
I would like to know  that it's alright
I think "can I trust ?""you just might"
To put what little faith I have in to someone
And that faith is abuse from day one
Or two Or three
I think "there playing you can't you see "
"shut up you always do this,
no matter who I'm with "
"I do it for your welfare,
I must make you know no one cares"
"But this one might let's give them a chance"
"***** what you saying" I didn't even take a stand it fueled my like a lance
I thought he was right no one pays thought to my story
And the ones who do leave in a hurry
I'm so lonely

.
       Taking one last drag off My cig I flick it to the ground and watche the little sparks of flames that shoot off it as it hits the ground. It is 11:00 on a wednesday night and I was parked in a bad part of town in a small conneticcit town. leaning against My beat up old 2003 black ford focus the window in the back seat rolls down.

     "Hawk how long are these guys going to take? Are you sure they're even coming?" Twittle says around a huge *** yawn. I pin him with one of my glares that said Shut the **** up. He pins me with one of his own glares I DARE you written all over it. My heart thuds just a little faster in my chest. All I wanted to do right now was take him home and accept that I dare you challenge. His cocky *** grin showed that he kenw what he was doing to me. I narrow my eyes at him.

      "Watch it boy" I growl and turn my attention back to the deserted parking lot, trying to calm my nerves. What was taking them so long? I figured for cociane addicts the thugs would have been here right on time to get their next fix. My nose burning at the memories of all the times I had felt the rush of a fix. Then up ahead in the glow of a random streetlamp I see three shadowy figures heading our way.

      "Twittle get out of the car they're here" I said and pushed off the car, not waiting for his response,I head in the guys direction. I hear the car door open and slam shut, and within seconds I feel twittles presence right behind me. The three junkies stop a few feet away from us.

       "You.. you got the stuff man?" The man who seemed like the leader said to me. His voice shook and was too high pitched. The guy was already high out of his skull. Just my luck, The high ones were always the worst to deal with, just about the deprived ones. At least that type was easier to manipulate. The ones that were high were too paranoid to pull a fast one over thier heads. I sighed, guess I wasnt going to be getting more then the coke was worth. ****, and I was hoping for a few extra hundreds so I could take twittle out for the night.

         "Yeah yeah I got it right here" I said in my casual, I'm chill there is nothing wrong here voice, a voice one must perfect if they are going to do the type of buisness I do. I pull out the baggie filled with the white powder that they were craving. In the dim lighting I could just make out the wide eyed staring of the guys, the look of raw need and lust. I sympathized with them, I knew that feeling all to well. "Now give me the money and you will get what you came here for" I said still casual, but an underlying threat present. The leader takes a step forward and eyes the drug suspisiciouly.

        "Is it all there? You aint trying to trick us or anything right?" He says paranoia seeping into his words as the drugs already in his system take control of his brain. A sharp anger flares up in me, How Dare he accuse me of cutting corners! I may try to swindle a few extra dollars out of people but I never give them less then what they asked! I quickly squash down the anger, it would do nothing but start a fight.

       "Yes its all here all (wont put real amount) of it. now give me the money" I says trying to surpress my annoyance. I feel Twittle step closer to me and feel his hand on my lower back. showing his silent support. **** these junkies, they needed to give me my ******* money now Before Twittle made me lose my mind. I held out my hand showing the leader I meant buisness and held the drugs out of his reach.  Money then drugs

         "Norm use to give us the goods Then let us give him the money, How about we do it that way." One of the other guys says, the other lackey snickering. I turn my glare to them and they quickly shut up.

         "Well I'm not Norm, I'm better." I say flashing them a deadly grin. The one who made the comment strides up and looks at the goods from a safe distance. Suddenly he whips around to the leader.

        "Man the ******* is trying to play us! Thats not Coke thats ******* FLour!" He screams in a full blown drug fit. My anger flares up again. I may be a crook and a drug dealer but I NEVER Played my customers that way. I always gave them what they wanted, Nothing less nothing more. The leader swore and reaching behind him he draws a gun out. Pointing it straight at me. Outwards I show that this was nothing new to me that it didnt affect me, which was true, I've had guns pulled on me more times then I would like to remember. I felt Twittle tense up behind me and with my free hand I reach around and grabs his, squeezing it to show him everything will be ok.

       "Look guys this is the real ****, Now you can either take it and give me the money or you can just walk away and find a new dealer." I said straining to keep the situation calm. I knew how to disarm the guy if I needed to but with Twittle there I really didnt want to. The leader hesitates for a few seconds but then points the guns at me again.

         "How about you give me the drugs and forget you ever met me." He says his voice laced with drug hysteria. I sigh and shake my head.

       " I would love to boys. But not without my money. Listen this is how its going to happen You're going to pu-" A loud ring fills the air cutting me off mid sentence. A few seconds later a White hot fire burns through my shoulder as the bullet slices through me making me stagger back from the impact. The ******* ****** Shot Me! I've been shot at numerous times, and stabed more times then I could remember, Hell I've walked around for a full day with a small blade stuck in my fourarm and didnt even notice until the pain finally got to me. But never Once had I been actually SHOT!. The pain was blinding and I could feel hot liquid ooze down my arm and knew my shoulder was losing blood.

       "You ******* ******* come here!" I hear Twittle yell and I lift my head just high enough to see him tear after the trio.

       "Twittle... No" I managed to say through the pain, but he didnt hear me. I turned toward the car, I had a gun my self in the glove box If I could get to it and get to the junkies in time maybe I could protect Twittle. I took a few steps and staggered, almost falling forward. My vision was clouding around the edges. Oh for **** sakes Was I really going to pass out? really? I thought angery with my body for being such a whimp. I couldnt pass out now! I had to help Twittle, He could get in serious trouble. I reached the car and fumbled with the car door trying to open it. I lost my balance slightly and slammed my bad shoulder into the window. The white pain intenifying. Biting back a moan I slid down the cars length landing on the ground. I looked at my shoulder and in the dark I could just barely see the dark liquid that covered my entire arm. I looked at my hand and saw the sticky red blood dripping off of it and pooling on the asphalt next to me. I was loosing way to much blood. I tried to stand up but my strength decided just then to desert me. My hearing was going screwy and the black cloud at the edges of my vision was creeping in faster.

   Was I dying? I knew I was. I gave a bitter laugh. Out of all the ways I could die I was going to die at the hands of a coke Addict. Heh I knew coke would somehow be the death of me. NIcole and Kaitlyn were right. To bad I wouldnt be around to tell them. And Twittle, I failed him, I couldnt protect him, If he died tonight with me it was all my fault. He wouldnt know How much I truely loved him. I'm sorry Twittle I think as I wait the agonizing minutes before unconsiousness takes me. Right before I slid under I hear what sounds like someone screaming my name. I struggle to open my eyes, but they are so heavy. WHy are they so ******* heavy? why cant they just open up so I can see who is calling to me! I feel someone grab my face and move it so they can see it.

       "Hawk open your eyes, please baby open them." I hear twittle say, only he sounds like he is miles away from me. I pick up the fear and desperation in his voice. EYES OPEN! SAY SOMETHING! DO ANYTHING! I scream at myself, trying to get my body to move, But the pain takes hold of everything and my body rebels against me and wont do what I want it to do. All I can manage is a small moan of Pain.

         "I'm going to call 911 now ok? Please hang in there Hawk PLease for me" I hear him say. I try to tel him yes I try to reach out to him to hold his hand, but the pain is to much, instead I slip away. unable to hold back the unconsiousness any longer.