Some people see light in me
Fire inside that I don't see
Burning bulb of a spirit sweet
Expectations I fail to meet

Some people think I am great
Love the pieces I create
Only imperfections there
A decent work is oh-so-rare

Some people know the things that I have done
Battles fought but never won
Yet they love me despite my wrong
Believing it made me strong

Some people wish I would try
Push myself until I cry
They don't realize that I do
The fire in me just won't shine through

Some people see grief inside
One I so carefully hide
Because I understand but they don't see
Some people cannot be what you want them to be

what sparks these thoughts & what allows them to tear me down

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay