Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
ryan May 2014
Living inside a breaking
Body I'm aching with maladies
Not well at ease but I'm okay
Still making melodies;
The drugs they ease but they don't
Cure, I won't be taken hostage
In caustic flesh and cracking bones
My own body is the carnage.

But I'm not afraid of death,
No, it's -- it's something else instead.
What I dread isn't losing life
It's who I'll miss when I'm dead;
When I'm lying there she will  
Be too but neither of us morose --
I'm maybe gross but not quite gone
Her love's the only dose
   I'll need

I'll say Farewell to Arms -- but --
I can't quite say Farewell to You --
My true goodbyes were tied to stone
I've thrown deep in skies of blue

I realize as I depart
Her part's so sweetly auspicious --
But I'm the only one to know
I grow soft secrets surreptitious.
   and --
The Reaper cracks a smile
All the while his autopsy;
He sees my life through his lens,
Carrying me off into
   **Eternity
ryan Nov 2014
Even as the ******* fish
Dressed in shining scales and
A big white eye swims across
The sky, I can only see her:
The Curls of her ebony hair
Twirl in ebbs and eddies,
Up up and up to drift
Down in bouncy springs;
Each strand lazily lofts around
Like deep Autumn leaves
Fluttering around, springing
Up and unwinding down to lick
And kiss at her neck like I do.
ryan Aug 2016
As the rate of change of life seems
To increase ever more as
Days pass, I would hope to approach
You asymptoticly-

Forever approaching you

Closer and closer


Until finally



We cross
ryan Jan 2015
It was the Watermelon in your hair --
You know,
The way the red juice dripped
Off your draping curls, and spilled
On your shirt.

It was the way you sat with me while
We watched fireworks --
A love I couldn't yet feel while I was
Still so Alone
-- and before that when we
Sat at the park, listening
To ****.

It was the way it was you and me,
Laughing over a small screen
Away from the others; the way
You made me feel so wanted.

It was the way you snorted when
You laughed, and lifted your
Nose to give me piggy
Kisses after each and every one.

But the it was never stopped.
It never will.
ryan Mar 2015
When we're out on the porch
In the heat of the sun, there's so much
Wonder about you --
I can't derive the tangent lines of the
Curls of your hair, or measure the
Light absorbance of your oaken eyes --
I can't integrate the perfect curve
Of your goddess body, or
Figure the infinite sum of your
Love for me --
I can't equate the fractals that
Make up your palm,
But I can kiss them all the same --

I can take you in like I do
The flowers I plant outside my
Window, more endless math
I don't care to figure --

Because just you with me, is
All I ever need.
The sum of an Infinite
Lover.
ryan Sep 2014
I despise my last name.
Someone should come, and
Take it for me.
ryan Apr 2015
The robin I live with
sings gorgeous songs but
only for me,
she dyes what were brown
feathers red and red
feathers blue,
worries for winter and her
little thatched nest
and can never sleep well at night,
she keeps her tree tidy but
spattered in moss,
and she stares out the window
all day with me,
and I don't think I'll ever ask
her why, because I know
she already
has plenty.
ryan Mar 2014
One day I hope
She walks by a window
Without judging her appearance--

One day I hope
She realizes
Her love is her coherence--

One day I hope
The mirror wont
Control just how she feels--

Because I don't care,
I really don't, I for one
Know her beauty's real.
ryan Jan 2015
On a bench at the park, in
The last light of day,
I wring and fling my tongue
Like a brush full of paint --
I beat it and the dusty words
Fly from the old red rug.
The splatters and droplets
She uses to paint a smile, gorgeous
And colourful, and she wraps the
Rug in her own, wringing
The dust out of both.
ryan May 2015
I see through the eyes of others --
Crows and bears and beasts --
Like binoculars; like Dreams.

And I saw through your eyes,
A mans eyes, and learned
Empathy, understanding you,

Living as you, being you, and
How you saw me, and the spears
I ****** through your heart dwell in mine.

But I have the heart of a Beast,
And the skin of a Wolf --
Will I ever be able to be who I was

Again?
Will we ever be the same team,
The same animal, as We were
Before?
ryan Dec 2014
You knelt beside
The fires glow,
And blew long and deep
Through grasses low;
A gentle breeze
Of hum and whistle --
Soft and sweet through blade
And thistle.
I listened close and you
Took my voice,
And then my soul
Without a choice --
'Cause you're no mortal
When you sing;
You're and angel,
Love --
With invisible wings.
ryan Aug 2014
I left today
With the smell of you --
On my hands,
After they made their way
All over you,
On our third first date
And holy hell
Do you smell like Heaven.
ryan Jun 2014
Flesh bleeds in whispers.
Not from cuts or scrapes, but
Big gaping holes unseen to most.
My liquid scarlet letter
Pinned over my missing pieces
Covering nothing.
The only plug to fill the hole
Is psychosis. Weeks of mental
Breakdowns siphon the blood.
The envy I feel for them all
Drowns me in plastic
Children's pools.
Perfect gold runs over
Their fingers that lights
Their lives, while the only
Thing covering me is
The unseen blood.
ryan Mar 2016
To be a man, is to be made not of
Glass or plastic, fragile or manufacturered
Like these young boys plucking
Away at keyboards day to day, acquiring
Vanishing trophies; a man is made of
Steel and stained wood, screws and twine
Make up his joints and bark is his skin.

To be a man is not smell of lysol or
Carpets, but if sawdust and oil, leather and
Soil, for a man is shelter.
When boys pitch canvas tents
In sand, a man plants logs on sturdy
Ground in which his family can reside, his back
The roof under which it is dry and safe.

To be a man is not to bake your mind with flashes
Of light and thunderous noise, but
To create, to be dynamic and soulful, imbuing
Himself into his creation;
To be man is to help and be helpful, to share and
Collect wisdom from others, to better
Everyone.

One day a Man will be honoured to take you
Home, to care for you until the
End of his days.
One day, that man will be me.
ryan Jun 2017
The two of us play the same
note with the sounds of our lives.

Our timbre, however,
makes them unlike:

the wisp of a butterfly;

a supernova.
ryan Nov 2016
Awake again, another day
Coffee as brown as her eyes meet me from
The mug she made me.
The heater keeps the cold away
But not as well as her breath
Or her skin against mine,
The shower head begins to spray
Steaming water that I ever wish were
Her fingers, streaming down my back.
Our frustrated feelings start to fray
As we play witness to others begin life together
As we've worked so hard to achieve.
But I will be the ceramic and not the clay,
Steadfast and unyielding until mine is mine
And hers is hers because by god --

Awake I will be in the suns first rays,
Wrapped in arms and light and soft brown hair
And eyes like coffee that will beg me back to bed.
ryan Jun 2015
You hum softly in the haze of dusk
The song of a passing ice cream truck,
A penny for a spool of thread
Toes digging in the loose dusty soil,
Tapping the long forked fire **** to either
Side as though blind, blind from smoke and
Tears and the darkness of
The canyons of silence Between us
A penny for a needle
The branch balances precariously on the
End of the fork, a tightrope walker
Plucked from the ground by a metal unfeeling god
That's the way the money goes
Until you dump it into the fire
Pop goes the weasel
And the obvious irony, the irony so
Commonly placed in horrors
I've got no time to plead and pine
Is what makes me laugh until
The tears bead up on the end of my nose
I've got no time to wheedle
Or so it feels like, because inevitably,
Always, somehow
Kiss me quick before I'm gone
You always light me up
*Pop goes the weasel
ryan Nov 2015
It's been a long time since I told
You just how beautiful you are,

Not because you ceased to be,
But because nothing equates to you
Anymore --

The seas of metaphor ran dry and
The mines of simile caved in,

And only you remained, my
Warm quilt, my gorgeous
Wonder, my one and only, my
Siren angel, my
Dearest sweetest love --

So forgive this lazy *******,
For forgetting you needed
Reminding.
ryan May 2015
What is this feeling, to know of true vanishing?
Not the simple fade of a sunset, but a
Slip through existence,
The closing of eyes to an empty room
And blinking them open to
Your lover standing in front of you.
But this time it is instead a blinking from loving
Anticipation to sleeping alone again,
Wondering when they'll be standing in front
Of you, sunlight finally streaming through
The blinds.
ryan Oct 2014
In a Victorian train station,
Amonsgt a plowed tile floor
Of long brown benches,
I sat: a brass statue.

I stood in the waiting room
Watching the travelers scurry
About, keeping up in their own
Little rat race.

They would walk around
Through the rows of benches,
Looking at me, or the windows,
Or the clocks.

I would sit in my space amongst
The benches, in my shaft of light
That came down from the arches
In the ceiling, thinking I was content.

Minutes would turn to hours,
Hours to days, days to seasons
Time after time. And then --
You came.

You were so like me: an
Almost brass statue; a not-once
Person, gilded over in a
Seemingly perfect pose.

They sat you right next to
Me; we were like two sides
Of an old coin, spinning in
An empty space of the station.

Your silence was plenty for me.
I no longer looked at the
Scurriers and travelers, but
Instead on you, us, together.

In all the room in a vast station
I was fortunate enough to
Have you placed perfectly
Next to me. Me.

But it wasn't to last. The men
Came to haul to around: to
Kiosks and platforms and
Other waiting areas.

Then. . . I became the fidgeter.
The seasons broke down, to days
Minutes seconds moments,
Moments without you.

And when you came around
Again we both delighted in the
Sunlight through the arches and
Each others inevitable silence.

And when the station closed,
You never had to move again.
There was no where left to move you,
No more emptiness to fill.

So they set us in a park -- by black
Benches with pigeons instead of
Trains. Together we got to watch
The minutes turn to days, and in

Turn seasons.
I never waited again.
ryan Apr 2014
A moment of silence,
For my pride
Six feet under, he
Now abides
A moment of hesitance,
Can't go on
To see the show
Wait till it's gone
A moment of sorrow,
Not tears of joy
Acid rain
Melts my ploy
A moment to early,
Not there often
A moment too late
Made my heart soften

A moment of silence,
For us now
It's getting better
But when and how
A moment of violence,
With my ghosts
I raised a glass
With nothing to toast.
ryan Jun 2014
It's like jumping from the sky and
Never hitting the ground
Or stepping on cement and
Slipping into nothing

It's like biting into an apple and
Tasting nothing but air
Or feeling your feet freeze
Over the hot coals

It's like sitting in the grass and
Floating into space
Or turning on the bulb that
***** in the light

It's going to be with you and
Having no one there
ryan Sep 2016
Long after time began to stand still,
It was her and I, alone together,
Laughing our ***** off in an
Eternal bought of loving
Laughter.
For three years she's never allowed me
to stop laughing.
Not once.
ryan Oct 2015
Hey little sister (first love?)
is life too hard somehow? I just
saw you yesterday, and I thought
you loved the sunshine, not the
hospital lights. . . maybe even
my laugh over heart monitors --

You and me, we're like family
(I hope you know that) or maybe
even stronger. . .so how did I miss
the depression in your eyes? the pills
dropping through your fingers?
I wish I could be the one to
make you smile; I know how

hard is always was for you
#sister #overdose #staysafe
ryan Oct 2015
There isn't enough air in the atmosphere
To fill my lungs to where I could
Tell you how much I miss you;
How much I need you.

I'm losing him to the ocean,
Six years gone from me in hope
Of a life, but little does he know he
Doesn't have one
Because he gave me his.

Forever away in a broken home,
Sad and never taken seriously,
He taught me how to laugh and
Never let me forget.

She's all I have left and all I'll ever
Want, and she's my other half, what
Makes me when the rest of me is gone,
The only one who'll see me cry
When I'm left alone again.

And I'll need her, them, us,
For as long as I live.
ryan Jan 2015
There is everywhere to breath
around this room.

By the window. Where the trees grow
and the speed limit sign stands
Ever vigilant.
The trees breath fresh air through the
White blinds we pull down
together; crisp delicious oxygen that
soars through our lungs like mineral water.

By the table. Where the Thai noodles
sweat their salty scents and
natural perfumes; our favourite
Smells and tastes. The cards slap down loud
In the midst of the crowded black wood,
and they steal our breath with laughter.

In the basement. Where the cold air Sleeps
and the quiet dominates. Where we
Sit in the couches that swallow us
Whole, and where we so
Often whisper to the walls.

But over all these places, your lungs.
Where your breath lays serene
with a rabble of lazy butterflies, and is
the home behind your pink gates.
Your lungs, where I steal my breath from
With both hands on your face, steady,
Unwavering.
ryan Jun 2016
In her I've found the one whom
My soul will dance with forever

The one who sings and creates
And listens with me; my entire band

The one who never lets me stop
Laughing, and pushes me to tears
      any way she can

The one with whom I'm never alone,
My best of friends, more than a part
      of me

The one who lights and escaltes my
Life to brights and heights I never
      could have ever in forever
             possibly imagined.
ryan Jan 2015
The Sun holds her chisel ever steady
In her warm tan hands;
She presses the warm steel
To my face.
She is obsessed with time --
Knowing she's getting
Ever older.
With every circle I dance around her,
She etches another tally
On my face,
To remind herself how old she is
In me.

— The End —