God, put me back into time
I just wanted to be part of the atmosphere
I forgot what bleeding felt like
I have never been this human
I have never hit quite this hard, despite the ground being miles below me
I'm hanging on to nothing
I'm bleeding water through the palms of my hands
Trying to find something to drown in
God, put me back into time
I've said something with an echo that's still ringing
And it hurts, as if mistakes were nails in my coffin sixty years too soon
God, I don't believe but I was praying on the gym floor the other day
It was the only free second I had, the only thought which had any traction
And I just needed something to grip
I got lost in shouting girls and locker rooms and the same path days in and out
I prayed that I could disintegrate
That I had finally worked hard enough, that if I kept running in the same circles, I would eventually evaporate
Vapour rises until it melts into the atmosphere and coagulates into rain
I forgot what bleeding felt like
Always looking both ways before crossing the same street at the same intersection
Always saying I love you before I leave the house
Broken, like a record, like an old glass window and a misplaced baseball, like a teddy bear who learned what too much love is
Always
Always
Always
God,
Put me back into time

take my heart,
tear it apart,
rearrange the parts,
restart me and
turn me into art.

Those moments fueled by pain
It had just started to rain
No sun was seen in the sky
I was being passed by everyone walking by
No one knew my struggles
No one saw the tears
Or how I made it through the years
Dragging that knife across my skin
The blood would always win
So I figured it would be best
To end it like this
With the slashes on my wrist
And the blood would get to be
The final thing I would see
So I walked until I was alone
No where near any home
And I pulled out the knife
Prepared to take my life
But before I could
I just silently stood
Staring at my wrist
Thinking of this
And how I would never again see
My friends, or family
And sure I thought no one cares
So why does it matter?
But one friend had talked to me
And began to teach me to see
The world a little differently
And I thought of how this would affect
And I thought of those people who smiled and waved
And never knew the darkness I craved
And how I wondered how I would feel
If they were to do the thing I was about to do
And I started to cry
And though my heart
Still longed to die
I no longer had the strength to even hold the blade
And so on I lived
And some time later
Im glad I did
It has always been hard
But life is so much more than what it seems
It always has more in store
Than what we see
And for almost the first time
Im glad to be alive.

There is often a story
behind the breath.  
The exhale
that moves
over tongues membrane.
The voice that
gives wings to words.

The saga meanders
in ears if you listen.

Sometimes,
the story is light
bringing smile to face.

Other times it's heavy
with truth that burns like fire
needing extinguishing.
.
Good Memories
expand to gather
in scrap books of mind.

Bad memories grow like vines
soficating heart
when pains not replaced
with forgiveness.

It's all part of the journey.
A journey
where stories
get embedded
and perhaps altered
inside a wandering soul.