When shall I get out of this rut?
Counting down the hours until I can go
Only five and a half now, but
I'll be back next weekend, I know.

And only thirty dollar bills a day, for what?
To get hit and kicked and yelled at
I'd rather get payed for selling my body like a ****
Or maybe I'll be a professional eater and become professionally fat.

Pure disgust is all I have to say
Until next time, dreadful day.

I'm so **** scared of the future
with death's vast scythe circling
'round my throats about to
slice the stamina right out of me.
I'm so **** afraid of the next step
of what's coming for me which is
completely unknown and foreign.
Death's black cloak resembles a cover shrouding me in darkness
dismantling my sense of safety
threatening to suffocate me.
I'm so **** frightened of finding out how you truly feel about me
deep inside past all this *******.
It's going to be okay but I'm swallowing my tongue because death's cold skull stare is beating my brain to submission and I'm about to topple over from all the weight even though I know

you care about me.

But I'm still terrified

of the truth

whatever it could be.

But I'm still terrified

of venturing forth into

unknown territory

without a plan or a structure
without direction or control
without truly knowing
anything.

I'm so **** scared of the future
that it might tear my skin away
to reveal that I'm only made of
flesh and blood and bone and guts
and not the thick metal and steel that I thought I was made of.

I'm so **** scared of what's coming of finding out something of communicating my feeling to you

because it could change

everything.

And Death's shiny sycthe
still glints

at my quivering throat

and I gulp as I try to be brave
but bravery is not my strong suit.

You kiss me as if
I was lost and you never
stopped looking for me.

your arms made of inked words, wrapped around the centre of my entire universe. you have become the beautiful drawings of memories I never want to erase. your love has replaced the blood running through my veins, and all I need is a whisper of an 'i love you' to feel alive. because that's what I am now; alive and running free with ideas I never thought were possible. but they're possible with you. I danced last night, high off your love, tripping and stumbling over myself, but all I could think about was what your arms around me would feel like and all I could remember was the rush of giddiness I felt when I first met you, and how you caught me so easily.

Depression haunts me like a a demon
You can't exorcise.

Strikes me like lightning
With the storm overhead
And a thunder so loud
My bones shake as I hide in bed.

All my thoughts drowned and drenched
In misery and a lowly stench
That says
This is all you've got
And this is as good as it gets.

In my heart all I ache for is sun to come again
And to never have to hear the pitter patter
Start in my head.
I hope for a light shower
As I curl up on the floor
But there's a saying I've heard and that is
When it rains, it pours.

I never needed someone who would fly off the handle with me
Inflated by dreams
And soaring on fantasies
No.

I needed an anchor.
Solidity
Concrete and a strong tie on my idealism.

So be the man flying the kite
Steering me in the way I need to go.

While she enjoys the sky
You enjoy her graceful flight.